The Web Walker
As a member in good standing of the "Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy", I'm required by the bylaws of our secret order to have a link to our web page.
Older than the Masons, more powerful than the Illuminati, with more network TV coverage than any other secret society in history, Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.
The Web Walker, abandoned at birth, was raised by right-wing wolves.
Sensing his natural instinct for sniffing out a conspiracy,
they taught him "The Way of the Trap."
At age twelve, with a belt full of trapper scalps,
he began to make his way in the world.
Bio? How can you ask for a bio? If my enemies find me, my entrails will be hanging from the nearest tree. Besides, I told my mother, "I'm an unsuccsessful draft dodger and less than gainfully self unemployed free lance anarchist." If she finds out I'm writing for Furious, I'll wish my enemies found me instead.
Listen to Conservative Talk Shows on the Internet.
Campaign 2002 - Rout to the White House
Is like a sacred book that ’s never read,—
To himself he lives, and to all else seems dead.
This age thinks better of a gilded fool
Than of a threadbare saint in wisdom’s school.
-- Old Fortunatus.
Janet Reno's "red pickup" campaign has fallen and it can't get up.
Quoting WJXT, "Although polls show Reno is clearly the Democratic front-runner in the September primary race, the same polls indicate she'd lose to incumbent Jeb Bush in November."
Quoting an anonymous source in the Reno campaign, "We just pray she stops shaking long enough to poke the right holes in the ballet on Election Day."
Rahm "Rahmbo" Emanuel, once a tenacious top adviser to President Clinton, now spends his days visiting bowling alleys and bingo halls. Emanuel is seeking to replace Dan Rostenkowski as most corrupt congressman in the history from Chicago.
Another former Clinton aide, Pete Dagher, also has aspirations of porking the same barrel.
Former Labor Secretary Robert "Kiss its ass if it moves and tax it if it doesn't" Reich is running for governor of Massachusetts. While as tall as Ted Kennedy is wide, it is unlikely he can "bridge" the gap with Kennedy bought-and-paid-for voters.
Former Energy Secretary Bill Richardson is running for governor of New Mexico. He loved the sheep and they are sure to return the favor at the polls.
Former Housing Secretary Andrew Cuomo is running for governor of New York. Giuliani is calling this race. After 9/11, even the Mafia is behind him.
Erskine Bowles, a former White House chief of staff, is running for the Senate in North Carolina. Another millionaire trying to buy a political position would burn liberal's asses if they weren't already flaming hypocrites.
And finally this from an AP wire story, "I don't know and I don't give a damn," one man declared loudly to no one in particular.
Just call it introducing the characters,
Clinton announced plans to live in a cardboard box on the White House lawn until the 22nd amendment is changed so he can run for president again. Hillary Clinton was unavailable for comment but the ashtray she threw at reporters contained the cryptic message, "It's my turn to 'not have sex with that women' in the Oval Office and if Bill doesn't get out of my way, he will need a proctologist to remove my right shoe."
See Hillary! 2004 for the grim translation.
Campaign 2004 - Back door to the White House
Prediction: the Republicans will keep the House and gain the Senate.
This flies in the face of historic data but the American homeland is under attack. The average citizen looks at Israel and thinks that could happen here, that could happen to Me! If they think Bush needs a Republican Congress to protect them, they will give it to him. Hell, if Bush gave the word, Tom Daschle (who stole Ted Koppel's good hair piece) would be at Camp X-Ray eating "Fruit Loops" for breakfast the next morning.
I don't have access to any campaign polls but Little D., his head warmer and his gang of Democrat thugs all act as if they believe that will happen. In politics, perception is reality and the Democrats are acting like losers.
If Daschle wants to wear the official Democrat presidential candidate beanie in 2004, he has to do more than serve beer and pretzels at the next caucus. Democrats are soulless vultures and will settle for no less than the carcasses of the House and Senate hand feed into their greedy beaks. But Little D. isn't the only Democrat with eyes for that beanie with the Big D.
Enter the Clintons and their belief the White House is their birthright. And Daschle is a speed bump on their road to the White House. And as Confucius say, "Man who have hunk of roadkill dry-humping head during press conference, end up with pickup truck full of astro-turf parked on chest."
The Clintons want back in the White House in the worse way and if selling out Daschle and the Democrat Party are the price of a ticket, they'll take two.
2004 with a Republican Congress and President is a political opportunity few but the Clinton Political Machine understand.
1) The Republican Party is instinctively a minority party and fears being in charge. Dole gave up Majority Leader of the Senate for Viagra commercials and some limp presidential campaign. Newt Gingrich's reward for putting the Republicans in charge of Congress was summary dismissal. Lott, of the silly hair, was never so relieved as when Jeffers transferred the burden of power to Daschle of the experimental hairpiece.
2) Two years of a Republican Congress passing silly Democrat programs with the regularity of an Ex-Lax binger will erode their conservative base. And the right-wing will sit out the election even if the president is Popular. Only the terminally self-deluded vote for "Liberal-Lite" and that's what the Republicans will be pedaling.
3) After two years of being completely out of power, liberals will chew off their own paws to vote. Tuesday, November 2, 2004 will be known as the "Night of the Living Dead" when entire cemeteries turn up at the polls. No blank ballet will go uncounted as Democrat. The fraud will be legion and bald-faced cheating legendary. Liberal State Supreme Courts will invent election laws with the enthusiasm of an Edison.
4) With the Republicans in charge of government, every ill, real or imagined, can be and will be blamed on them. The liberal weasel media will have two years to gnaw the flesh from their bones. And thanks to Campaign Finance Reform, the Right will find itself muzzled 60 days before the election and the Republicans own cheap nature will prevent them from running ads to defend themselves the other 22 months.
In 1992, Bush the 41st was thought unbeatable but James Carville, evil Jedi of the dark side of the force, replaced him with an unknown governor from a backwater state. Not only do the Republicans not have a "Luke Skywalker," in the depths of their spineless, lily-livered hearts, they pray they never again get one.
Politics is in the air and I've succumbed to the cynical side of the force,
December 22, 1999/April 16, 2002
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