You are a fucking liberal if ...

You may have noticed from the title this is not a happy page. This is a page of anger and hate. Like the anger and hate free men felt for Hitler in World War II. Like the anger and hate free men felt for the Soviet Union during the cold war. Like the anger and hate free men feel for Red China today.

If the very words anger and hate send you running for your politically correct instructor then this page isn't for you. This page is for those see no real different between cancer and Liberalism.

This planet is plagued by a hideous cancer. It has been called Communism, Marxism, Leninism, Stalinism and Socialism. Today this hideous mental virus is calling itself Liberalism.

If you think Liberalism is some kind of dangerous drug put on this planet to destroy us all, you may have come to the right place.

I apologize to any rational free thinking human being who may have found this page. I'm just fed up with a liberal local newspaper telling me higher taxes will fix our corrupt government. The evening network news telling me the President's criminal enterprises are not important. James Carville telling me Ken Starr is an out-of-control space alien trying to sell cigarettes to my kids. If I want someone to blow smoke up my ass, I'll go down to the "red light district" and hire a good looking professional. -- That's not to say any of the above are not professional whores.

With that said, the following is meant to be mean-spirited and politically incorrect. If any humor is present, it is purely coincidental. This is a wake up call for the swine. They can run but they can't hide.

• If you wouldn't let Clinton baby sit your daughter but do trust the bastard with my freedom, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you feel the media has a conservative slant, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you don't think the media has any bias then you work for it and you are a fucking liberal. -- It also means you don't have a clue why you're losing viewers, readers and credibility. Try selling the Truth! It would be more shocking than a Jerry Springer episode.
• If you feel the only thing wrong with Communism was the wrong man was in charge, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you want to take everything I've worked for and give it to some low life scum, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you feel character doesn't matter because your political candidate is devoid of any, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you think the Republicans in Congress are just a bunch of spineless bastards selling out our freedoms and passing the same old tax and spend budgets, as likely as not you're a conservative. -- How the hell did that get in here.
• If you believe the First Amendment covers burning and/or shitting on the flag of the United States of America but want Rush Limbaugh banned from the air-waves for hate speech, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you don't feel Clinton is a liberal but voted for him twice because Republicans would eat your children, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you feel all the problems in your life are my fault, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you believe self-esteem can be given without being earned, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you have to spend time telling people, you're "not a liberal" then you are a fucking liberal.
• If you are Roger, who calls all the conservative radio talk shows and doesn't want to be called "Red Roger," you are a fucking liberal.
  [Roger's lawyer has advised me to add the disclaimer, "Roger doesn't feel he's a fucking liberal."]
• If you even use the word "homophobic," you are a fucking liberal.
• If you want any voice that disagrees with you silenced, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you have never used the phrase, "extreme liberal," you probably write for UPI/Reuters.
• If you feel talking about Pearl Harbor is "mean spirited," you are a fucking liberal.
• If you want me to pay for that elitist crap, even you won't watch on PBS, a forth rate network that can't even beat CBS in the rating for God's sake, not only do you have you head up your ass and your hand on my wallet, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you feel Bill Gates has to much Goddamn money, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you've bored to death everyone, who couldn't escape your presence, by explaining you're a "moderate," you are a fucking liberal.
• If you feel Clinton is a good president, good looking and good in bed, you're Eleanor Clift or Nina Burleigh, a former White House correspondent who covered the White House for Time.
• If you call me a racist, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you stay up late at night drinking with me and telling me you're more conservative than I am, you are a fucking liberal.
• If you want the government to pay for suing me because I hurt your feeling, you are a fucking liberal.

Just in case that hasn't weeded out all the fucking liberals, I'll take a few more cheap shots.

  When asked if you're a liberal, you reply you don't like labels.
  You believe man is the only creature that has wars.
  Giving away other peoples money makes you feel good.
  Hanoi Jane is a fucking whore who should have been tried for treason.
  You are against school vouchers but have never set foot in a public school.
  You live in gated communities with armed security guards but want to take away my guns.
  Liberals are those people that can't get it though their fat fucking skulls that Hitler rose to power on the backs of environmentalists, the "it's for the children" crowd and gun banners.
  What do you call a politician who says he will raise taxes?
A loser!
  What do you call a politician who says he won't raise taxes and does?
A liberal or George Bush.

Liberals are to real people like shadows on a wall. They are only form without substance. They don't live lifes. They follow scripts. Without TV network news and the New York Times, these poor useless bastards wouldn't even know what to think.

They will side with a serial killer because he had a bad childhood. They believe the Law of Gravity punishes poor people. Like the cockroaches that invade your kitchen at night, they fear the light of Truth.

Liberals are like the poison in Snow White's apple; the crud you find between your toes after a 10 mile march; the neighbor's dog barking at 3AM; crab grass; dog shit you step in; something you don't want, don't need and will kill you if don't figure out how to stomp them out of existence like the little piss-ants they are.

The next time you meet a liberal that doesn't have his head up his ass help him put it back in. It's the only way to shut them up (or at least muffle the noise.)

This week they're all talking like James Carville. Maybe next week they'll shave their fucking heads.

OK, now that we are rid of all the fucking liberals, here a few of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy's secret links.

NOT!News - What right minded people think of the liberal media.
You may be a Liberal if ...
You may be a Liberal if......
The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
CPR-Coalition of Patriotic Republicans
Liberal Media Coverup of the Real Clinton Record
The Other Side of the News
NOT!News - What right minded people think of the liberal media.

If you have any doubt that liberals are useless swine, check out these wastes of bandwidth.

You Might Be A Liberal If... - A truly fine example of the brain disease I've been ranting about.
Salon Newsreal - This is the kind of stuff you write in the final stages of the disease.