The Zods and Clintons begin nationwide tour

WASHINGTON D.C. (AP) - After groveling and debasing himself in formal Oval Office Proceedings two months ago, former President Clinton has patched up his differences with our new Lords and Masters, General Zod and Ursa and the happy First and Second Couples are about to hit the road.

In a recent joint interview with General Zod and the newly re-minted Crown Prince Clinton, Clinton revealed that Zod experienced an epiphany once he thoroughly understood the confiscatory United States Taxation levels, property seizure laws, gun control laws, legal killing of the unborn, racial preference laws pitting one group against another, enslavement through welfare, dumbing-down of the educational institutions, undermining of the military, Janet Reno, sellout of domestic interests and security to foreign enemies, and the systematic destruction of the middle class and the economy through unlimited debt spending on worthless programs, all with the full support and obfuscation of the press and media.

Zod agreed that the population was already sufficiently stupefied and suppressed and there was very little need for change or further more restrictive decrees.

Zod explained "When I first came to your planet and demanded your homes, property and very lives in tribute to me I didn't know you were already doing it, voluntarily with your own government. You really couldn't imagine my surprise. I don't think I could possibly improve on the current system and I certainly won't waste my time trying. On the Planet Krypton I was sentenced by Jor-El to eternity in the Phantom Zone for attempting to do half of what you people are doing to yourselves legally!"

"Actually, I am loathe to admit it", Zod continued, "but I'm really viewed as more of a liberator and recent polls bear this out. My new subjects seem to prefer the direct candor and brutal certainty of my rule".

Social Secretary, Princess Hillary, enthused that the main purpose of this road trip is to let the people know how beautifully they photograph and how much more gorgeous they all are in person. "Of course, the General and Ursa will probably want to blow up stuff and kill people", Hillary swooned, "but Bill and I just love to watch". Bill chuckled and said he still enjoys an occasional Arkancide, also known as a bullet to the back of the head.

The "Superman" issue was then delicately brought up. Zod responded that the Son of Jor-El was really a non-issue at this point. "Do you actually believe he'd risk his life just to depose us and reinstall the Clintons. As you people are so fond of saying - get real! He's even more disgusted and fed up then we are. No, we don't expect to see him around here again. You can all thank yourselves for that and so do we!"

On another matter, Zod roared "Anyone indecently soliciting Ursa will face the full brunt of my wrath, I will kill them slowly!". Princess Hillary agreed and vowed to protect Prince Bill from any similar annoyances with equally devastating results. Both Ursa and Bill declined comment.

Zod's last, long-anticipated remarks, delivered before the joyously kneeling Palace Press Corps, concluded when he stated that he has become bored with Earth and its sheep-like populations, will be departing for other worlds to conquer and he intends to leave the entire Solar System under the direct control of the Clintons - for life. Except, of course, for Australia and Cuba which have been left in the capable hands of Lex Luthor whom he informed could learn an awful lot from the Clinton's dynamic leadership style.

All kneel and swear eternal loyalty to Zod!