Seems like skiing into trees has been the trend this past week, with the deaths of Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono, both plastering themselves against a tree doing something stupid, like playing football.

Q: What's the only thing standing between a Sonny and Cher reunion?
A: Another tree!

   St. Peter is standing in front of the Pearly Gates humming an unpublished John Denver song when Michael Kennedy shows up.
   "Not another Kennedy! OK, why are you here?" asks St. Peter.
   "I was playing touch football and skied into a tree," Michael replies.
   St. Peter mumbles something about mistress, underage and heart attack and waves him in.
   Before St. Peter can resume humming, Sonny Bono shows up.
   "OK, why are you here?"
   Sonny answers, "I was skiing alone and ran into a tree."
   "Go on in but I want to talk to your later about Cher," explains St. Peter as he waves Sonny passed the gates.
   No sooner had Sonny entered when an environmentalist shows up.
   St. Peter looks him over and asks, "I thought you were off saving the rain forest. What are you doing here?"
   "Well, I just thought if I dressed up like a tree I could go out on the ski slopes, meet important people and explain our cause."

Despite what environmentalists want to believe, between Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono, I think we're proved trees are non-partisan.

Did you hear Goldman is trying to get OJ Simpson to take up skiing?

Seems like Sonny died barking up the wrong tree.

Scientists say tree rings predict the end of Sonny days.

Headline: Kennedy, Bono split over tree decision.

What is it about American politics that requires some Republican to prove he's just as much of a tree-hugger as some Democrat?

It is a new fad!
from Dwarf Bowling to Unarmed Logging

Why is Al Gore going to Sonny's funeral?
For all we know, he's the tree Sonny ran into.

With all the jealousy in the Kenndy family, Michael should have known something was wrong when they told him to go long.

To induce skiers to visit Telluride in the increasingly competitive world of ski resorts, the Telluride Mountain Village Resort has begun a daring new promotion. Snapping bones, a favorite hobby among frequent skiers, is being used to lure them to the world famous slopes of Telluride. The resort is making a special offer to pay the medical expenses for the second broken leg (or other limb) that is destroyed while skiing.

Kate Reed, the owner of the resort, equates the new promotion to the airline's use of frequent flyer miles. "Regular skiers break limbs all the time. Legs, knees, wrists, basically anything they can twist or fall on. Most skiers are hell bent on damaging themselves in some way. We're just catering to the market."

The offer appeals particularly to the skiers who claim that skiing isn't dangerous. Ms. Reed said this promotion is ideally suited to people that claim you only get hurt when you "exceed your ability." By having the second limb covered, you can continue to live in your world of willful self-deception, all the while knowing that when you do break something else, the resort will take care of it. "Most people will break something within five seasons of skiing. You know it's going to happen. Why break yourself at a place where it isn't covered?"

Breaking a leg is by far the most popular form of skiing injury, with the number two injury (shattering the knee-cap) running a distant second. However, the number three on-the-run favorite, death, is quickly moving up the popularity chart. Experts say that even failing to survive an avalanche will have a strong showing in 1998.

The resort has had particularly positive sponsorship from celebrities. Sonny Bono was planning to visit Telluride to take advantages of the offer after his ski trip to Lake Tahoe. Lucky for Mr. Bono, he was enticed to visit Lake Tahoe first by the promise of a free life insurance policy. Mr. Bono received a cool million dollars for his little rendezvous with a tree.

Michael Kennedy was attracted to nearby Aspen by the promise of the old advertising standby: sex. Michael always felt he was in the shadow of his more famous relatives. The Kennedy clan have long been known for sleeping with anything that moved. Michael Kennedy, in an attempt to distinguish himself, was killed in a bizarre sexual skiing accident as he attempted coital relations with a stationary object.

Marketing experts see no end in sight for these types of promotions. "As long as the desire for permanent injure remains strong among ski enthusiasts, people will continue to be enticed by offers that pay for their maiming," says Dick Sittig, creative group head for Chiat/Day and frequent skier.