4 Years and $40,000,000.
I don't know about you but if I hear "four years and forty million dollars" one more time,
I'm going to rip off my head and throw it through the TV.
Why don't these people just tattoo "4 & 4" to their foreheads? It would save all of us a lot of trouble.
So what did we get for $40,000,000?
- The grandest apology since General Patton.
-- I heard the White House even has an apology hot line,
1-900-IMSORRY. Unfortunately, Clinton's lawyers also have a hot line, 1-900-NOHESNOT.
- The hottest Independent Counsel report in U.S. history.
-- If they tone it down a little, HBO will replace Dennis Miller with it.
- More comic material than Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter and Dan Quale put together.
-- We've gone from "lusting in my heart" to "beating off in a sink."
- A chance for TV networks news to compete with "South Park."
-- Even Jerry Springer and Oprah voted against releasing the Starr Report.
- 137 Letterman top ten lists.
- 4063 Jay Leno jokes.
-- Topping John Carson's record of 4062 for cute zoo animals in the studio.
- Put cigars in the news.
-- We even got a Castro story in the news this week and when was the last
time we heard about him.
- Explained to the general public why the White House needs interns.
- Cleaned up the gene pool.
-- Anyone that tries Clinton's "I didn't have sex" excuse on their spouse
will no longer be in the gene pool.
- Gave the American public a chance to see what $400 an hour lawyers do for a living ... LIE!
-- Like we didn't know that already.
- Created a market for Monica Lewinsky Beanie Babies.
-- Stained dress optional.
- Sold more dictionaries in the last 6 months than the last 6 years.
-- I used to think I knew what "sex," "alone," "cause" and "is" meant.
- Before Clinton only Woody Allen practiced sex alone.
- Took
cigars where no
cigar has gone before.
- "One small
cigar for man. One giant
cigar for mankind."
-- and just the right
cigar for Monica.
- Made neutered a Constitutional option.
- Explained how Spice Girls get pregnant.
The White House rebuttal cost $69 million w/o tip and cover charge.
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A girl from 9-0-2-1-0
Came to D.C. to find men to blow.
She padded her knees
To be at full ease.
At 1-6-0-0? Who can know?
The history of the Clinton administration in rhyme.
Pre-impeachment copies still available.
Order this collector's item NOW!
The President swore to the sky
He'd never asked someone to lie
But the chance was then missed
To request that he list
Positions he'd told them to try.
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