Q: Why did Bill Clinton go into politics?
A: JFK told him "The Oval Office is the biggest babe magnet in the world."
Clinton never tried to fill his administration with "yes men."
Instead, he wanted "yes women" for as many positions as possible.
"All the President's Men" by Woodward and Bernstein defined Nixon's
presidency.
For Clinton, the book will be "All the President's
Women."
Bill Clinton's favorite Elvis movie was "Harem Scarem."
Now that Democrats realize that he turned the White House into his personal
harem, it's starting to scare `em.
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| Picture by Jason D. Jones. |
Clinton was elected as the "Comeback Kid." Now he is just the "Come Kid."
Bill Clinton wants the V-chip in televisions to protect kids from
unsuitable television shows.
If only he had put a V-chip in his
presidential briefs, the kids would have received more protection.
Clinton said that "Interns have big mouths and like to blow things out
of proportion."
Sure that's what got him in trouble.
Clinton's favorite Elvis song: "Hunk, A Hunk of Burning Love."
Q: Has the Clinton Presidency been blown?
A: Well, he certainly is bringing America to its knees.
If Clinton confesses, the headline will be "Presidential Admission of Presidential Emission."
Presidential Libraries have copies of Presidential Proclaimations. Clinton's Library will have Presidential Emissions.
In view of the latest Clinton scandals, many Democrats want John Glenn let Bill Clinton take his seat on the Space Shuttle. They reason that Clinton has always been interested in probing heavenly bodies. Also, they are hoping that Clinton can be left on the Mir Space Station.
When Clinton was a law school professor, female students often had oral exams.
When Clinton taught Marriage and Divorce Law as a law school professor, female students often got extra credit for special tutoring sessions on adultery.
Clinton's explanations are becoming harder to swallow as he frantically tries to protect his flanks.
No president has bought pleasure to as many Americans as Bill Clinton. And that's just counting his White House interns.
What is Bill Clinton's biggest fear? Beautiful White House interns with sharp teeth and a tendency to sneeze unexpectedly.
Clinton is the most hands on president in history.
Some say that Clinton is not selective about his women. Actually, he is. His motto for selecting women is "nineteen to ninety, blind, crippled or insane."
Clinton has never met a woman that he didn't like. Really like.
The reason that the NOW ("National Organization of Women") gang has not spoken out about Clinton and the interns is that even they can't swallow Clinton's latest emanations.
Clinton is mad about interns who open their mouths. Yet, he would not be in this position if he had not originally asked them to do otherwise.
Item from Feb. 5 WashPost: "In pretrial proceedings, testimony from the six alleged victims has painted [Army Sgt. Major] McKinney as a sexual predator, a married man who would demand sex and later plead with the women to cover up his conduct. In all McKinney faces 19 charges including obstruction of justice, assaulting an officer, indecent assault, maltreatment of a subordinate and adultery. If convicted he faces loss of rank and 55 years in prison."
Can McKinney also be charged with impersonating the president? Can he defend on the grounds that he was trying to live up to Clinton's example? Don't those of us who thought that Clinton could not inspire the military and lead by example owe Clinton an apology? After reading the above, I apologize to Bill Clinton for ever doubting his ability to lead our military by example.
Item: Cyber-reporter Matt Drudge (http://www.drudgereport.com) says: "Lewinsky has confided to Tripp how she once gave Clinton oral sex in the Oval Office while Clinton talked with Morris on the phone -- while Morris was getting oral sex himself from his prostitute Sherry Rowlands.
This alleged incident could be called the Slick-Dick double header.
Item: Cyber-reporter Matt Drudge (http://www.drudgereport.com) says: "Lewinsky has confided to Tripp how she once gave Clinton oral sex in the Oval Office while Clinton talked with Morris on the phone -- while Morris was getting oral sex himself from his prostitute Sherry Rowlands.
Talk about a real double header! But all is OK as Clinton and Morris were, no doubt, discussing Clinton's next speech about protecting our family values. Two heads are better than one.
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March 22, 1998 |
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