Tasteless Clinton/Monica Lewinsky Jokes

Monica Lewinsky

White House Trailer Trash Soap Opera

Starring Smucko, Booba and That Woman

This president is so outrageous (see my Jan 97 article "The Unprecedented Unpresidential Presidency Continues" http://www.floodlight-findings.com/ina-art.html) , it is hard to use humor without getting too crude.
On the right wing conspiracy, my article http://www.floodlight-findings.com/rig-art.html from summer of 1996 is a parody of the paranoia of the Clintonites, especially Hillary.
Humor aside, I am quite concerned that we are about to go to war with Iraq. Although it may be necessary, Clinton has, unlike Bush, NOT assembled a strong coalition. Also, if Iraq strikes Israel or others with anthrax (or other biological) tipped missiles, the U.S. (stories have appearred in the NYPost and Irish Times to this effect) may use tactical nuclear weapons. If Iraq strikes Israel with anthrax, it is also likely that they will nuke Iraq, as well they should. Problem is that the whole mid-east may blow up in our faces with Arab populations rebelling against any pro-U.S. Arab governments following such a confrontation. Meanwhile, Yeltsin of Russia set down his vodka bottle long enough to warn that a U.S. attack on Iraq could lead to a world war. Our ship of state is run by a guy too busy banging the White House crew to worry about the iceberg ahead and the Russkie ship is run by a guy who is never sober. Pray for the world.
Bill Feeney http://www.floodlight-findings.com	home of the CLINTOWHEEL

Operation Affairs of State Burn After Reading

We in the vast right wing conspiracy have been "outed" by the first First Lady to testify before a grand jury ("it takes a subpoena"). Our diabolical plans are discussed below.
[Recently, we were successful at getting the wheel on Air Force One stuck in the mud. Less widely reported was our success with Air Force Two. A few days after Clinton's plane was stuck in the mud, the pilot of Gore's plane was forced to abort a landing as a flock of blackbirds was on the runway. Rather than risk having the birds jam the engines, the pilot went around until the birds had left the scene. Even though the conspiracy has been outed, the press only reported the mud and the aborted landing stories. They did NOT realize that it was all part of the master plan to inconvenience Clinton and Gore. Those birds were specially trained right wing birds (they fly in circles a lot).]
Clinton was to host U.K. Prime Minister Tony Blair shortly after the mud and bird covert operations at a White House state dinner. It was the perfect time for Operation Affairs of State. It had two phases.
First, the agents of our vast conspiracy planned to get the White House chefs to serve a new dish: steaming hot, left-bent, sausage and Rocky Mountain oysters served with a special cream sauce. Call it "Bill ala Monica."
Second, our conspiracy is so vast that our "deep cover" agents were to be infiltrated into the White House to put on a Las Vegas style showgirl revue for the evening's entertainment The agents are those women who have alleged improper behavior by Bill Clinton. As we in the vast right wing conspiracy know, Clinton is really chaste, although he is being chased by us. Our deep cover agents Monica Lewinsky, Gennifer Flowers, Sally Perdue, Connie Hamzy, Dolly Kyle Browning (the Texas lawyer & novelist), Paula Jones, and Kathleen Willey, among others, were going to perform a showgirl revue called "Bill's Babes."
Bill's Babes revue was to start with the song "To All the Girls Bill Loved Before." Next, "Me and Mrs. Jones" including the lyrics from a Clinton voice impressionist "Me and Mrs. Jones, we got a thing going on. We both know that I'm wrong, but our lawyers meet each day at dawn." The old Donovan song "Jennifer Juniper" was next in the plan and was modified with words about Gennifer Flowers. The Stephen Stills song "Love the One You're With" and finally the old Elvis song "Hunk, a Hunk of Burning Love." would round out the show.
Unfortunately, the ever vigilant Mrs. Clinton got wind of the plan. She forced the chefs to change the menu. She brought in Betsey Wright of "bimbo patrol" fame to block the entry of the showgirl agents.
END PLAN. BURN AFTER READING.

DISCLAIMER: Above is alleged humor and there is no real plan to train birds, get wheels stuck in mud, control White House menu or entertainment, etc. The real plan, hardly a conspiracy as it's all out in the open, is to laugh (in order to avoid crying for the country) as long as Clinton is in office.

More Clinton/Monica Jokes

Previous Clinton/Monica Jokes page

President Clinton-Monica-Lewinsky-Paula-Jones-accusations-of-sexual misconduct-allegations-White-House-Linda Tripp and Kenneth Starr Sex Scandal
Presidential Kneepads - OK, Nixon got a puppy but you don't have to feed a pair of kneepads.
Scandalous Limerix - Get your copy before Clinton is history.
My Conspiracy Links page.
Clinton/Lewinsky - This bumper sticker will be a collector's item someday.
NOT!News - When Ken Starr needs the news and he needs it now, this is where he looks.

This web page conspired by the
Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy.

Monica Lewinsky

White House Trailer Trash Soap Opera

Starring Smucko, Booba and That Woman

More Clinton/Monica Jokes

March 22, 1998

Back to Tasteless

Webmaster: The Web Walker

Operation Affairs of State	Burn After Reading
We in the vast right wing conspiracy have been "outed" by the first First Lady to testify before a grand jury ("it takes a subpoena"). Our diabolical plans are discussed below.
[Recently, we were successful at getting the wheel on Air Force One stuck in the mud. Less widely reported was our success with Air Force Two. A few days after Clinton's plane was stuck in the mud, the pilot of Gore's plane was forced to abort a landing as a flock of blackbirds was on the runway. Rather than risk having the birds jam the engines, the pilot went around until the birds had left the scene. Even though the conspiracy has been outed, the press only reported the mud and the aborted landing stories. They did NOT realize that it was all part of the master plan to inconvenience Clinton and Gore. Those birds were specially trained right wing birds (they fly in circles a lot).]
Clinton was to host U.K. Prime Minister Tony Blair shortly after the mud and bird covert operations at a White House state dinner. It was the perfect time for Operation Affairs of State. It had two phases.
First, the agents of our vast conspiracy planned to get the White House chefs to serve a new dish: steaming hot, left-bent, sausage and Rocky Mountain oysters served with a special cream sauce. Call it "Bill ala Monica."
Second, our conspiracy is so vast that our "deep cover" agents were to be infiltrated into the White House to put on a Las Vegas style showgirl revue for the evening's entertainment The agents are those women who have alleged improper behavior by Bill Clinton. As we in the vast right wing conspiracy know, Clinton is really chaste, although he is being chased by us. Our deep cover agents Monica Lewinsky, Gennifer Flowers, Sally Perdue, Connie Hamzy, Dolly Kyle Browning (the Texas lawyer & novelist), Paula Jones, and Kathleen Willey, among others, were going to perform a showgirl revue called "Bill's Babes."
Bill's Babes revue was to start with the song "To All the Girls Bill Loved Before." Next, "Me and Mrs. Jones" including the lyrics from a Clinton voice impressionist "Me and Mrs. Jones, we got a thing going on. We both know that I'm wrong, but our lawyers meet each day at dawn." The old Donovan song "Jennifer Juniper" was next in the plan and was modified with words about Gennifer Flowers. The Stephen Stills song "Love the One You're With" and finally the old Elvis song "Hunk, a Hunk of Burning Love." would round out the show.
Unfortunately, the ever vigilant Mrs. Clinton got wind of the plan. She forced the chefs to change the menu. She brought in Betsey Wright of "bimbo patrol" fame to block the entry of the showgirl agents.
END PLAN.	BURN AFTER READING.
DISCLAIMER: Above is alleged humor and there is no real plan to train birds, get wheels stuck in mud, control White House menu or entertainment, etc. The real plan, hardly a conspiracy as it's all out in the open, is to laugh (in order to avoid crying for the country) as long as Clinton is in office.