"I'll admit," said a lawyer named Starr, "That a penis is like a cigar;    But, in general, to people    A phallic church steeple Is stretching the subject too far."

The President, as we know well, Was savaged for trysting a belle.    No one really knew,    But if it were true He'd been through both heaven and hell.

OK, we all know I couldn't rhyme my way out of a field of Princess Di memorial landmines but this guy knows what he's doing.

Only you can make a difference. Only you can save this dog's life. Order Now!

We all have a copy of the "Nixon Resigns" headline. -- You don't? OK, don't screw up again. Get a copy of this book for your grandkids. If you don't have any today, don't worry about it. You will. It's kind of the way the world works.

Still not convinced ? OK, you made me do. I didn't want to do it. If you don't order the book now. I'll have to kill the dog. Don't make me do it, MAN!

So we don't have the goat and the midget in the Oval Office joke in this edition but when this one sales out, the next edition will be the Marquis De Sade special.