The royal family is out for a drive when they are stopped by a highwayman.

The prince tells the queen, "Quick, hide all the jewels in your snatch."

The highwayman pokes his head in the window and seeing no values, tells everyone to get out of the car and drives away.

Standing beside the road, the queen turns to prince and complains, "If Princess Di had been here, we could have saved the Rolles."

Steve Jobs, having just died, is getting a tour of hell. Off to the left he sees Dodi porking away on Lady Di and asks the devil, "Can I have his punishment?"

The devil replies, "That's not his punishment. It's hers!"

Saint Peter asks Lady Di and her three companions why they're here at the Pearly Gates.

Di and Dodi answer together, "It's the chauffeurs fault. He has driving like a mad man."

The chauffeur tries to defend himself, "No, that's not fair. They were yelling, 'Faster! Faster! Don't stop! Don't stop!'"

"We weren't talking to you," explains Princess Di.

St. Peter turns to the bodyguard. "I don't even want to hear your story. Just go home and forget it."

Princess Di comes out of the hotel and asks for a car to take her home.

The valet asks, "Will that be regular or crispy?"

Lady Di looks puzzled but replies, "Regular will be fine."

The valet yells across the parking lot, "Cancel the Ford Pinto! She wants the Mercedes!"

A teddy bear was walking down the road with a bandage on his head, his arm in a sling, and the stuffing coming out of one leg. He met another teddy in exactly the same condition.

"Hello, did you step on a land mine too?"

"No, I got run down by a drunk in a Mercedez."

What's green and red and goes over a hundred miles an hour?
A frog trying to out run the Papparazzi.

What's the difference between a Ford Escort and a Mercedes?
Di wouldn't be caught dead in a Ford.

What was the last thing to go through Di's head?
Her ass.

Why did they cremate Dodi's remains?
To hide Di's tooth marks on Dodi's dong.