Bill Gates the joke.

If James Carville worked for Bill Gates, their top ten excuses for Windows 3 1/10, 95, NT and HA (half-assed) would be:

 10) Monica Lewinsky goes down more often than windows.
  9) Drag a hundred dollar bill through a trail park and see what kind of software you get.
  8) Bill Gates is the best CEO this country ever had. The Republicans are just trying to drag him down.
  7) Crash this. Crash that. Microsoft is at war with the Department of Justice. Why can't we talk about the real issues.
  6) All the "general protection faults" are coming from Ken Starr's office.
  5) There's nothing wrong with our software. It's all part of a "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy."
  4) It's the economy of scale, stupid!
  3) The Repulican's are writing worse software.
  2) They're all lairs. There ain't nobody's system crashing.

And James Carville's number one excuse for Microsoft's god-awful software...
  1) Everybody does it!

New York Times: If Apple's so smart why aren't they rich?
Washington Post: Microsoft - You can buy better but you can't pay more.
The Drudge Report: Third world software at first world prices.

Bill Gates' excuse for MS-DOS: It's not our fault. We didn't really write it.

10) He's leaking the release dates for the next Windows system.
9) He doesn't know how to use a real web browser, like IE 4.0.
8) He defended Apple in the "look and feel" case.
7) These are the same people that went after IBM.
6) He's the only thing Monica Lewinsky ever said, "No," to.
5) He doesn't understand the browser is part of the operating system.
4) Does the First Amendment mean anything if you can be forced to tell the truth?
3) Is it really fair to force Bill's mother to testify that she does dress him?
2) I want it on the record that Bill Gates paid for his own presidential kneepads.

And the number one reason Kenneth Starr is out to get Bill Gates,
1) His web pages are "best viewed with Netscape."

10) He's got more money than you. If you don't pity him, he'll hire someone to break your kneecaps.
9) He has to live in a house run by his own software.
8) It doesn't matter how much money he has, once a nerd always a nerd.
7) All his pets are virtual.
6) He really believes "BOB" was a great computer interface.
5) He's the richest man in the country and still can't get a White House intern.
4) He has to hire Third World programmers because no one in this country can tell him, "Good idea boss!" with a straight face.
3) He's the only man in America that gets less respect than Rodney Dangerfield .
2) He has millions of customers, thousands of employees, one wife and no friends.

And the number one reason to pity Bill Gates is...
1) His mother is dead and he has to dress himself.