Arlington National Cemetery:
    Remember, if you want to stay, bring your Visa card because the Clinton Administration doesn't take American Express.

    On Clinton's last trip to Hawaii, he went swimming at Waikiki Beach. He got caught in a riptide and was been pulled out to sea.
    Three young surfers paddled out to him and brought him to shore. He wanted to reward them, and asked what they would like.
    The first said he wanted to be a fighter pilot, and Clinton said he would get him an appointment to the A.F. Academy.
    The second one said he wanted to command a submarine. "Fine, I'll get you into the Naval Academy."
    The third said he wanted to be buried at Arlington. Clinton looked puzzled and asked why such a young person was concerned about where he would be buried.
    "Because", said the surfer, "when I go home and tell my Vietnam Veteran dad that I saved your life, he's going to kill me!"

    When the Mafia has a disagreement with an associate, they give them cement overshoes and drop them in the river.
    When the Clinton administration has a falling out, the dissenter gets buried in Arlington National Cemetery ( or dumped in Fort Marcy Park.)

    Hillary walks into the Oval Office and asks Bill, "Why do you have that dirty old shovel on your desk?"
    Bill replies, "I've been digging up campaign contributions."
    "Oh Lord, you're not robbing graves again?"
    Bill smiles and explains, "Oh no, honey. Do you know how much those Arlington plots are worth if I can get those pesky war heroes out?"

Before, we had LBJ burying too many war heroes, now we have Clinton burying too few.

    Bill Gates, Bill Clinton and a war hero show up at the Pearly Gates.
    St. Peter tells Bill Gates, "We tried to use Window's 95. It's off to hell with you."
    Having dispatched Mr. Gates, St. Peter turns to Bill Clinton and says, "We'll get back to you in a minute Fat Boy."
    Facing the War Hero, St. Peter explains, "This is heaven. Now, you can tell Clinton where to go."

Arlington plot for sale cheap. Call 1-800-WHITEHOUSE. Ask for Bill.

Now that Arlington is full of Democratic contributors will they be voting for Clinton in the next election?

So, the war heroes, they're taking out of Arlington Cemetery to make room for Clinton's donors, are they dumping them in Fort Marcy Park?

Now that Clinton is planting war protesters in Arlington Cemetery, will Jane Fonda be joining Larry Lawrence?

Where does Russian bury their war heroes?
Arlington National Cemetery.

What does it take to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery?
1. Joining the Merchant Marines.
2. Protesting the Vietnam War.
3. A Russian Medal.
4. And last but not least, donating $10 million dollars to the DNC.

Carter pardoned the draft dodgers and Clinton buried them in Arlington National Cemetery.

    Top Ten Reasons to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery
10) Protesting the Vietnam War.
  9) Fighting with the Indians at Custer's Last Stand.
  8) Helping move the troops along on the Battan Death March.
  7) Drawing bull's eyes on the battleship Arizona.
  6) Directing German fire at Normandy Beach
  5) Getting a Russian Medal.
  4) Awarded the "Bronze Nose" for sucking up above and beyond the call of duty.
  3) Spouse of Tokyo Rose.
  2) Fingering Jews in Nazi Germany.
-- And the number one reason to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery ...
  1) Giving really big bucks to the Democratic Party.

The White House was going to bury Surgeon General Koop in Arlington but he put up such a fight the burial detail decided it would be better to wait until he was dead.

Did you hear, the White House has replaced the "Tomb of the Unknown Soldier" with the "Tomb of the Unknown Donor."

White House Price list:
    Ambassadorship - $100,000 (Ask about our Arlington plot package deal.)
    Coffee and donuts with the President - $50,000
    Night in the Lincoln Bedroom
       1) w/o Hillary - $10,000
       2) with Hillary - $50
    Ride in Air Force One - $5,000
    Plot in Arlington National Cemetery *
       1) Unoccupied - $1,000
       2) Occupied - $2,000 (plus shipping and handling to relocate war hero to Potter's Field.)
    * Add $5,000 for Eternal Flame.

Where does Red China bury their war heroes?
Arlington National Cemetery

    Today, the Clinton Administration said they granted an exception for a DEA agent to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery.
    Does this mean he'll get to bust the drug dealer, that donated to the Clinton Campaign, buried next to him?

    The Arlington police staged a raid on the Arlington National Cemetery.
    Apparently, the veterans rolling over in their graves were violating the noise ordinance.

In his Radio speech today, Clinton announced, "It's really not fair for war heroes to horde all the good spots in Arlington National Cemetery" and then went on to layout his plan to replace veterans with children killed by airbags. The President explained, "It's for the children."

The White House announced today that all World War II veterans will be removed from military cemeteries. A White House spokesman was quoted as saying, "They were fighting for the wrong side. Japan, Germany. They are our allies, aren't they?"

December 7, 1997. The White House announces it will remove the Arizona from Pearl Harbor to make room for a new Chinese port.

The general walks into the field hospital. He looks around at all the wounded, pulls out the Medal of Honor, and asks, "OK, so who send the check to the president."