And welcome to this week's Web Surfers Report.
Piling into the back of the cab, Web tells the driver, "Cancel Paris. We're off to DC. If any administration needed watching, it's this one and we're just the people to do it."
The taxi pulls away from the curb and joins the flow of traffic. Joins is too generous, disrupts is more like it. Just getting out of the airport, Pat has terrorized two airport security officers, added a few more dents to the yellow whale we're in and left behind enough carnage to keep a fleet of tow trucks busy for the rest of the week.
Pat: "Don't worry, I just like people to remember me."
Web: "If this is how you run your campaign, it would explain a lot."
Igor whips out a lap top computer from where ever he whips out stuff required by this savage saga.
Igor: "Since, we have a few hours to kill, I'll check the email."
From: Furious Green Thoughts <furious@echonyc.com>
Subject: my new music site
I decided to cut up FGT into 3 pieces. FGT will stay a
political site, Assorted Realities will be a
site for stories and this is going to be the
music site:
http://www.echonyc.com/~furious/perfect/index.html
I just put it up so there's probably some bugs and stuff there. Just wanted some professional and unprofessional opinions. I know I should get more graphics...
Thanks in advance for any CONSTRUCTIVE criticism you can provide.
Jason Gross
Furious Green Thoughts & Assorted Realities
http://members.gnn.com/furious
furious@echonyc.com
From: wtb10@spg.amdahl.com
Subject: Submission
I thought I was writing a top
ten list but the beast turned and bit me.
While still delirious from it's poisonous venom, I produced this.
"Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!"
-- Line from Monty Python's, Search
for the Holy Grail.
It was reported in Bob Woodward's book, The Choice, that Hillary Clinton had imaginary conversations with Eleanore Roosevelt and Mohandas Gandhi but passed up the chance to talk with Jesus Christ. Go figure.
This kind of "research" for her book, It Takes A Village, adds a whole new meaning to ghostwriter.
The White House said, "These were not seances." I don't care what they call it. Where I come from talking to dead people is just plain weird. If you're poor, they say, "There, there. That's nice," as they fasten the buckles along the back of your new white suit.
Now rich people talking to the dead is a different story all together. That's just eccentric. People may talk about you behind your back but rich people really don't care what the masses think. Which, of course, is the whole point in being rich in the first place.
Finally, we have the category of politicians speaking with and for the dead. Speaking for the dead is common enough. A quick check of your local voter registration lists will reveal a multitude of the dearly departed turning out en masse to reelect the incumbent.
Speaking with the dead is a much rarer talent. The First Lady could provide politicians their first real chance to talk with their constituents. Imagine Hillary doing a "Get Out The Vote Rally" in a cemetery in Cook County, Illinois. The possibilities are endless. Consider the gone but not forgotten she might choose to commune with.
She could get Mark Twain to ghostwrite her next book, The Road to the White House Runs Through Boot Hill.
Imagine, Marilyn Monroe telling the First Lady how to sing Happy Birthday to the President. Attila the Hun advising Hillary on dealing with her political enemies. Marx on socializing health care. Woodrow Wilson's wife, Edith, explaining how to weld the power of the office of President. Vince Foster telling all. OK, maybe not that.
Finally, she could get Elvis to admit he's the one that left the Rose Law Firm billing records in the White House.
Arriving in Washington, DC, Pat seeks out the Watergate Hotel.
Pat: "OK, you guys get us some rooms while I ditch this stolen cab."
Igor: "Boss, funds will be a problem. Carville canceled the credit cards we picked in Mexico."
Web: "No problem. This is an election year. We'll just charge everything to the Clinton campaign."
Igor and Web Walker exit the taxi and confront the hotel desk clerk with their demands.
Web: "We're with the Clinton campaign. I'm James Carville and this is George Stepinawfulstuff. We're also expecting G. Gordon Liddy. We'll need an entire floor for privacy."
The desk clerk seems to staring at the top of my head in a puzzled manner.
Web: "Don't worry about that, I've joined the Hair Club for Men but that's not important now. We have to get setup immediately and sweep for bugs."
Desk clerk: "This is a reputable hotel, sir. We have no roaches. Here are three rooms on the 17th floor. This gentleman will show you to your rooms."
Chapter seven: "Magic tricks in the pool" or "I can hold my breath for a very long time."
Evil Youth is taking a cigarette break in the second floor boy's room when he spots the vice principle, Bitterman, patrolling the school yard below. Evil and Bitterman have had a on going feud for years.
Seizing the chance to even some old scores, Evil hurls a wire waste basket, complete with used paper towels, out the open window at the vice principle's head. Bad aim, bad choice of projectile or just bad luck saves the head from certain doom.
Standing next to a now ruined and useless wire basket, Bitterman looks up at the window and shouts, "Evil Youth, you're going to pay for this."
That evening at home, Evil asks his father, Evil old man, "What would you pay of an old bend out of shape wire waste basket?"
Evil Old Man replied, "Nothing" and returns his attention to the TV set.
The next day in school, Evil reports to the principle, "My old man says he won't pay for it."
Bitterman punches Evil out but Evil got even. He knew Bitterman's daughter and the word around school was she puts out this week's URL's.
Bonus link: Welcome to MSNBC - Starts Monday, July 15, 1996.
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July 14, 1996 |
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