Thursday, June 6, 1996, was the day of beast. As if to press the point home, the local newspaper printed the daily lotto numbers as 6, 6, 6. Some have reported to me that this all means the Anti-Christ was born Thursday. Could this be the reason for Hillary's recent announcement to adopt?
In the year 2000, the Anti-Christ (AC) would only be four years old. If AC hopes to keep to that timetable, I can understand why he needs a crib in the White House without the handicap of any Clinton genes. Could this explain the President's poll numbers or will Elizabeth Dole start talking about adoption if the polls reverse?
On a lighter note, there are reports of stinking corpse lilies (Rafflesia arnoldi) growing in Washington. I'm not saying this has anything to do with Bill Gates but doesn't the world's biggest ego require the world's largest boutonniere? This 16 pound plant with 3 foot diameter flowers is also said to be growing really bad meat. If this plant does produce meat 1) how does it fit into the vegetarian scheme of things and 2) will PETA start protesting to protect it.
Did you check out the picture of the Chuppa Cabra at Art Bell's web site? What I really think they have their hands on is the prehistoric saber-toothed catfish. It first came ashore in Atlantic City, New Jersey when it heard about a floating crap game in one of the local hotels. Not having yet mastered the language, it thought this meant a buffet lunch for bottom feeders.
As the Chuppa Cabra worked its way across the country as a non-English speaking taxi driver to seek fame and fortune in Hollywood, aliens found it an easy scapegoat to take the fall for their animal mutations. The last I heard, it was hiding out in Las Vegas. A black jack dealer by night, it spends its days trying to expose Area 51 as an alien slaughterhouse/distribution center to clear its name.
In the darkness, I feel a small, hard, hollow tip push between my ribs. "Hands up, cop!" A voice orders from my blind side. My left hand rises to display a small object easily mistaken for a key ring without rings. "In case you don't recognize it, it's the pin from a grenade." I whisper turning to face my assailant.
"Yes, Web. I know what it is," replies James Carville lowering the gun and heading further into the alley. Following, I ask, "What are you doing here?"
Discovering the alley is a dead end, Carville turns and replies, "The same as you. Hiding from our buddies in the black helicopter."
Producing the grenade from my pocket, I suggest, "Go for the tail rotor. I'll distract the pilot."
While the black helicopter, staggering like a drunken sailor between the building, tries to gain altitude, Igor pulls up in a white Bronco. As we pile in the back, Igor guns the engine and ferries his payload of hunted fugitives into the night and onto the Santa Monica freeway. Igor, asks over his right shoulder, "What brought about this unholy alliance?"
Web: "With the thought police after my ass for the crack about Hillary adopting the Anti-Christ, I'm not being real picky about new friends."
James: "I told them flat out putting Chris Dodd and Peter Knight in charge of the reelection campaign would be a total disaster. Their heads are so far up their asses, we gave them periscopes so they wouldn't bump into the furniture. Laughing at Web's Hillary joke probably didn't help either."
Web: "With you between jobs and me finding out that writing is a little more dangerous than I thought, what do think of a couple of safe jobs as merc's in Liberia? Igor said the African Peace Force is offering a $5K sign up bonus, $50 grand if you survive and all you can loot."
James: "Igor, head for Mexico City. I've got friends in the American Embassy that can get us to Liberia."
Chapter two: "Inside a Mexican jail" or "The Marines to the rescue."
The only laws that continue to be enforced are the prohibition on killing cops and presenting this week's URL's.
The Web Surfers Report is also available from the websurfer mailing list:
June 9, 1996 |
Web Surfer Home Page |
Webmaster: The Web Walker |
