The Web Surfers Report

Hello,

Besides donating blood to the IRS (where's the Unabomber when we need him?), I spent the week getting Windows 95 mostly working and checking out new shareware at "What's New At TUCOWS".

If you PC's clock is as bad as mine, you'll want to pickup atomtm11.zip. Sorry, Windows 95 only. I also found lnkchek.zip to verify the links at my web site. I still like nslookup.zip but it only runs with Windows 3.1.

They moved the Elvis clock at work Wednesday. It's the one with Elvis's upper body for a face and his legs as the pendulum. Since the clock had become a major landmark for navigating the seemingly endless collection of look-alike hallways, its relocation caused some confusion among the staff. Engineers banded together in small tribes hoping for mutual protection from the suits as they searched for their now displaced offices. Eventually the clock took up permanent residence across from my office. Where, rather than generating general confusion, it is reduced to providing me with personal pain every time I have to gaze at the gaudy thing.

Now for out unique coverage of real world events. Igor, reporting live from the Unabomber's shack in Montana.

"Thanks, Web. I'm here in Montana up to my ankles in mud outside the Unabomber's 10 by 12 shack. On the other side of this recently erected chain link fence, I see a chorus of FBI agents in front of the shack. They seem to just be finishing their search. We'll point the mike in their direction and see if we can catch what's going on."

"On the twelfth day of searching the FBI found for the media,
twelve letter bombs returned postage due;
eleven pounds of left socks stolen from dryers around the country;
ten most wanted fugitives;
nine cases of "10 free hours of America Online" disks;
eight boxes of missing Whitewater files;
seven bloody gloves;
six missing persons, Jimmy Hoffa, Amelia Earhart, Elvis, Jack the Ripper, Ambrose Gwinett Bierce and John Doe number 2 from the Oklahoma Bombing;
five Avenger Torpedo bombers from Flight 19 lost in the Bermuda Triangle;
four dead space aliens from the Roswell crash;
three typewriters containing the Unabomber's Manifesto, the Terrorist Handbook and the Anarchist Cookbook;
two missing Republican presidential candidates, Alan Keyes and Bob Doran;
and a mad bomber hiding in a shack."

"Do you know what key they were singing in?" queries the Web Walker from the studio.

"This is the FBI. They lock 'em up and throw away the key."

A cow is standing by the road trying to hitch a ride. It wears a sign around it's neck. "Mad Cow, Don't Eat Me!" A pickup truck pulls to the side of the road. Hoping for a ride, the cow rushes to the vehicle. Spying a bumper sticker barely visible among the clutter of "I Don't Brake For Vegetarians," "Lifetime member of the beef advisory council," "Give Me Red Meat or Give Me Death," the cow comes to a sudden halt. Closer examination of the small placard reveals, "This weeks URL's."

1. Rebel's Handbook - Formerly the Anarchist's Cookbook, Volume II
2. Spumco Homepage - A web site from the real Ren and Stimpy bunch.
3. COOLSHARE - Java information and samples.
4. MEDIA BYPASS : UNCENSORED NATIONAL NEWS - some teasers about the latest conspiracy theories.
5. The Far Side Daily - daily posting of old cartoons.
6. The Amazing Pecking Chicken! - a collection of strange people have gathered here.
7. Candidate 96 - does things with Netscape 2.0 I've never seen before.
8. Start - Adult site: Hot Babes In Mini-skirts home page. More racy than pornographic.
9. The Folklore of Computer Users - some history behind computer speak.
10. Crunch - Cereal Box Collection - pictures of old cereal box (late 50's, early 60's) some I've never heard of.

Last Week's Report

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