The Web Surfers Report

Hello,

I'm trying to figure out if I've lost my sense of humor. First the Web Widow didn't like my latest stories for lies.com and furious then I received Scott Anderson's Joke of the Day. It really doesn't come every day but that's his story. Anyway, the joke was called "You Might be Republican If ..." and I didn't think it was that funny.

I panicked. Have I lost my sense of humor? Can't I laugh at myself?

"Igor, quick give me a one-liner about Republicans."

"OK, boss. Try this: You may be a Republican if you think 'Affirmative Action' is a movie about the Kennedy assassination.'"

I thought that was funny -- but laughing at myself isn't enough. They is only one way to be sure. I must put my sense of humor to the ultimate test. Can I laugh at someone else's misfortune? "Igor, crank up the random phrase generator. Set the dial for 'You may be a Liberal if …'"

As Sherman warms up the way back machine, Mr. Peabody prepares to utter a pun from hell. Realizing this could be a death sentence for us all, we wrestle him to the floor and muzzle the pun spewing mouth before any damage can be done. Ah, the generator seems to be ready.

You may be a Liberal if …

1. You think, the U.S. needs a sign on the California-Mexico border that reads, "Watch for police batons next 50 miles."
2. You want Congress to buy a condom for the Virgin Islands.
3. You think talk radio is nothing but hate speech and you'll kill anyone who disagrees.
4. You know the media doesn't have a liberal bias and anyone that thinks so is a hate mongering anti-government extremist.
5. You think Ross Perot would make a good president if he had more hair and less ears.
6. You want anything but prayer, creationism and math taught in public schools.
7. You believe the Republicans sold the Liberty Bell to the Taco Bell Corporation.
8. You think Rush Limbaugh is the anti-Christ.
9. You've served on a jury in California and don't think orphans should be convicted for killing their parents.
10. You believe Clinton "didn't inhale" - or did. Hell, if you believe any Clinton about anything.

While I'm dissecting my sense of humor, a large white stretch limousine with a TV antenna on the trunk pulls up to the Jack In The Box across the street. The rear most window silently glides down. A wrinkled, shaking hand appears from the dark interior and presses the order button.
"Sir, may I take your order?"
"Yes, young man. I'd like this weeks URL's."

1. How to Survive an Audit - a timely bit of humor.
2. Skeleton Closet: All of the Scandals on All of the Presidential Election Candidates: Clinton, Dole, Gramm, Buchanan, Forbes, Alexander, Dornan, Keyes, Etc. - my kind of political page. It slams everyone.
3. UFO ABDUCTION INSURANCE - I only wish I could have signed up sooner. Now it's considered a preexisting condition.
4. Funny/Hard-to-Believe - a little like news of the weird.
5. Sausage Software Home Page - Java for the complete idiot.
6. Nurse's NON MEDICAL NON COMMERCIAL home Pages - it looks strange enough.
7. Conspiracy Nation - a must for the conspiracy buff.
8. Fear and Loathing at Microsoft - a truly weird story.
9. 1996 Olympic Games Home Page - is it too soon to start plugging the Olympics?
10. Kids' WB - something for the kid in all of us. Animaniacs, Freakzzoid!, Pinky & The Brain and more.

Last Week's Report

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