The Web Surfers Report

Hello,

This week's report has been posted early. The Web Widow wants to go out of town this weekend and I don't argue with the Web Widow.

It has come to my attention that the "hello" link, in last week's report was broken. The individual responsible has been summarily dismissed. In keeping with our policy of "quality through intimidation", the entire link division has been sacked. Other innocent parties, merely had their pay docked.

Meanwhile, in Iowa ...

Web: Tonight we're coming to you live from the Iowa Caucus. The polls have just opened but before we go to Igor on the scene. We'd like declare Dole the winner in Iowa. Igor, what can you tell us?

Igor: What can I tell you? You just declared Dole the winner. Why don't you tell me what all these people are doing here, if you're deciding the winner. And more importantly, why am I out here freezing my ass off, if you have already decided the outcome? While I'm at ...

(Igor is suddenly cut off.)

Web: Sorry Igor, we seem to be having problems with your satellite link. Now that we're officially predicting Dole, Buchanan and Alexander as the top three winners, it's time to ask to our new Analyst, Jack N. Box, who we'll be betting on in New Hampshire. We dumped the old analyst after I lost heavily betting on Gramm. OK Jack, can you pull this all together for us?

Jack: Gramm's in a nose dive and won't be a factor. Alexander movin' on up to the East Side. Oops, sorry about that. Forbes should see better results from his commercials in New Hampshire. A Dole attack on Buchanan should set Buchanan back a few points.

Web: Thanks Jack but must you wear that silly clown head? Ignore that. What we need are predictions. I have bookies to pay off.

Jack: What a grouch! OK, here it is: win - Dole, place - Alexander, show - Buchanan and Forbes fourth.

If Iowa is the ticket to New Hampshire, Dole (26%) is on the train in first class. Buchanan (23%) is standing behind him asking, "Are you sure this is your seat?" Alexander (18%) is in coach looking for an upgrade. Forbes (10%), Gramm (9%), Keyes (7%), Lugar (4%) and Taylor (1%) are in the smoking car with the press corps. The reporters are taking turns giving Gramm Dutch rubs. Dornan (0%) is on the platform asking when the train leaves.

As Keyes distracts the reporters, demanding they interview him. The other candidates in the smoking car gang up on Gramm and toss him from the train.

A sign post looms ahead. As the camera moves the closer, the words "Now leaving Iowa" can be made out. An envelope tacked to the post is flapping in the wind attracting your attention. You look closer and see "Oscar Winners" in gold letters written on it. Opening the envelope, an index is revealed, caught by the wind and disappears into the distance. On the back off the envelope is written "This weeks URL's."

1. Andrian Kreye ...reportage @ - another 'zine, news oriented.
2. HyperDiscordia, Confusion for a New Generation - more bad craziness.
3. The Barking Spider - mostly old jokes but still funny.
4. Sickest Sites on the Web - buckets of blood, guts and gore.
5. GREAT BALLS OF FIRE - I can be educational too.
6. Pink Radio--Happy St. Valentine's Day! - had to have a holiday link.
7. The Matrix: Humor - collection of general humor.
8. The Kleinman Report - yet another www newsletter.
9. Who's who among the living and dead - Titanic stuff.
10. City of the Silent - SHAMELESS Nudity - protest pages against the CDA.

Last Week's Report

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