Presidential Bumper Stickers

Hello all,

The following is a collection of bumper stickers spotted on vehicles in the president's motorcade in recent years.

If the limo's rockin', don't come knockin'
If you're close enough to read this, the Secret Service will open fire.
Honk if you've had "It depends on how you define sex" with Monica Lewinsky.
Babe on Board.
Kiss me. I'm Albanian.
A day without Hillary is a day for sex.
You'll pry the presidency from my cold, dead fingers.
Hillary: One small woman for mankind; One big bitch for the White House.
The Oval Office: more than a breakfast nookie.
Honk if you're against impeachment.
Have you met the first lady? Make an offer.
For hot phone sex, call 1-900-White-House
I brake for nymphomaniacs.
America: Love me or leave it.
Kosovo: From NATO with love.
Show me yours and I'll show you mine.
Pizza, a cigar and a White House intern. What more could a man ask?
Who's buried in Arlington Cemetery? Don't ask me I don't give a damn.
Hillary for Senator. It will get her out of the White House.
It's 11 O'clock. Do you know where your "Football" is?
Al Gore: Half as slick and twice as stiff.
Mick Jagger: Maybe he should put some ice on that lip.
Give me your bombs, your spies and your campaign funds.
Why play doctor when you can play president?
Honk and NATO will bomb you.
Take the first lady, please!
You don't like my driving? Nuke you!
Scandals 'R' Us.
<-- Right side. --> Arkan-suicide
Honk if you haven't had sex with me. I'll pull over.
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
GUYS: No shirt, no service. GALS: No shirt, no charge.
Boldly going nowhere
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

Back on the campaign trail,

Al Gore released his medical records today. No, he doesn't have Dutch Elm disease ... just fallen leaves. But his campaign committee is claiming he's directly descended from Lincoln's log cabin. They also continue to deny rumors he has chosen the Unabomber as his running mate.

Sometimes I think Al Gore just doesn't get it. Now he's offering big campaign donors a night in the Washington Monument.

Not only can Al Gore spell potato, he'd let his daughter marry one.

In his continuing effort to prove he's part of the Hollywood crowd, Al Gore gave Tipper's bra to Marylin Manson. Unfortunately, it was a couple of cup sizes too small but his athletic supporter did fit.

I'm not saying Al Gore can't wait to be president but you have to wonder what he was thinking when he showed up at the White House wearing a black trench coat.

Clinton, ever the peace lover, has named the next generation of cruise missiles destined for Kosovo, "Gandhi's."

The White House explained today that Red China hasn't stole any nuclear secrets. They're just a backup site for the Los Alamos computers.

Also in the news,

LineOne News (UK)
April 30, 1999

A judge who poked fun at political correctness in an after-dinner speech by referring to homosexuals, lesbians and black people has received a "serious reprimand" from the Lord Chancellor.

[At this point, I know you're dying to hear the joke. So I've taken the liberty of translating it into English.]

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed how politically correct this place has become? I'm telling you the only way to get a promotion around here is by having the tits of a dike, the ass of a fag and a big black dick.

[If this guy worked for the IRS, he'd have to include getting two blow jobs at lunch and bringing one back for the boss.]

Remember all complains should be addressed to complaints@internet-police.net and be sure to include name and town, name and town.

Does anyone know a good way to remove tar and feathers,
...wtb... - http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker/humor/

P.S.
The following joke came from The Joke A Day mailing list <http://www.jokeaday.com>.

During a neighborhood party here, I got into an argument with my neighbor about presidential politics.  Finally, he asked me why I was such a dedicated Republican.

I told him that my Father and Grandfather were Republicans before me and that I was carrying on the family tradition.

"That's it ?" said my exasperated neighbor.  "What if your Father and Grandfather had been horse thieves ?"

"Well..." I replied, "I suppose then I'd be a Democrat like you."