Internet Access for All

Hello,

Internet Access for All
By Ima Nutt
DP E-Writer
Monday, April 26, 1999; 5:59 p.m. PDT

The federal government, in an effort similar to that undertaken to open up access to public buildings and public transport systems through the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), is now focusing on the Internet.

During a press conference Monday, government spokeswomen, Lay Z. Fed, explained some of the new features they are planning to add to federal web sites.

"We have a new icon for the visually impaired to indicate the presence of an audio version of the web page. When the blind person sees the icon, he (or she) simply clicks on it and a Real Audio (TM) file speaks the contents of the page. The file also contains a video track with sign language for the hearing impaired."

Commercial web sites are also making plans to welcome the less gifted.

Cindi Cream, Playboy spokes model, cooed, "Playboy already publishes a braille edition of our magazine. So we've asked our web master to scan it and post the images online."

AOL Public Relations representative, B.Z. Signal, points out "AOL already provides chat rooms for the functionally literate and sexually deviated. In the future we hope to include chat rooms for the keyboard challenged and criminally insane. We already have Charles Manson and the Unabomber lined up as possible moderators."

© Copyright 1999 The Disassociated Press

In other news,

Country Joe McDonald has updated the "Fixing to Die Rag," which was performed by Luci Murphy at the Anti-NATO rally in DC last week. Excerpt:

Come on all of you big strong men,
Uncle Bill needs your help again
Started another imbroglio
In a little region called Kosovo
So sell your mutual fund and pick up a gun,
You're gonna have a whole lot of fun

And it's 1, 2, 3, what are we fightin' for?
Don't ask me; I don't really know, my next stop is Kosovo!
And it's 5, 6, 7, Yeltsin may take the bait!
It's World War III up in the sky,
Whoopee! We're all gonna die!

Mental illness and criminal tenancies have never been a bar to a career in politics,
...wtb... - http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker/humor/

P.S.
Real News Story: http://www.msnbc.com/news/260652.asp