Hello all,
I've spend the last two weeks connecting a Windows 3.1 system to the Internet and rebuilding a crashed hard drive. All I need next is the kids to start wearing trench coats.
First, an updated oldie:
Bill and Hill are riding a camel through the dessert for a photo-op. One of the reporters on the scene points and shouts, "Hey! Can you guys believe this? A camel with two ass holes!"
Both the Hill Billaries got off the camel to check.
Next, news from the White House:
The Clinton "newspeak" dictionary lost another word when White House press secretary, Joe Lockhart explained the current action in Kosovo "doesn't meet the definition of war as we define it."
The U.N. better start an investigation because somebody has been kicking the Serbs in the Balkans.
No response yet to the Russian's suggestion they have something that is war as Clinton defines it. I'd guess the rest of us would call it thermonuclear war.
This in from the front:
NATO calls train bombing "uncanny accident." The pilot and weapons officer said the train came out of nowhere and they couldn't avoid hitting it. When they turned around, they saw the bridge was still standing and dropped a second bomb on the other end of the bridge but the train leaped in front of the bomb and was hit a second time. When reporters expressed doubt about this tale, the two flyers replied, "That's are story and we're sticking to it."
I think that makes the score:
1 cemetery,
1 basketball court,
a few bridges,
several empty buildings,
and a couple of columns of refugees.
Fox News is reporting Serbian military operations in northern Albanian. Serb authorities claim this wasn't an invasion. "It was just some troops on leave. Looking for a hot tourist spot to pick up chicks. Everybody knows what hot babes Albanian has."
Critics of the war claim the refugee problem is spreading and cited the appearance of three refugees as guests on Jeopardy. Serbian authorities countered it was a propaganda ploy and pointed to some of the categories used on that day's show: "Ethnic Cleansing," "Yugoslavian Dictators," "Refugee Frenzy" and "War Crimes past and present." The Daily Double answers: "The reincarnation of Hitler in the Balkans" and "Like Berlin, this modern day Nazi capital starts with 'B' and has both 'L' and 'R' in the middle," were also objects of objection. The show's producers said the show was fair and balanced and it is standard practice in the TV game show industry to use Secret Service agents as security guards. When asked if there is a White House/Jeopardy connection, Joe Lockhart, White House Press Secretary demanded of the assembled press corps how much they were willing to risk in "Final Jeopardy."
Seems a spy is leaking NATO targets to the Serbs. NATO investigators have not found evidence of Serbian contributions to the Clinton/Gore campaign but refused to comment on rumors that CNN is a suspect. -- Makes you wonder about "Baghdad Pete" Arnett being fired.
The Clinton administration is asking for $6 billion to continue the war in Kosovo. Do these people know how many Ken Starr investigations money like that can buy?
From the other end of the propaganda machine:
Serbian TV announced today, "President Clinton is trying to catch squirrels." When asked by Clinton what this meant, a White House aid explained, "It's an old Serbian saying that means you are running around making noises like a nut." Clinton dismissed the comment but ordered the Park Service to ethnically cleanse all the squirrels that have surrounded the White House in the last few weeks.
In other news:
A judge sentenced Dr. Jack "the Ripper" Kevorkian to 10 to 25 years in prison for killing a guy on 60 Minutes. If he'd killed Dan Rather, do you think any jury would have convicted him? I wonder what kind of job he'll get in prison? The laundry, librarian, bussing tables in the prison's five star restaurant or maybe Dr. Death will get to be the conductor for the Death Row express. "All aboard for old sparky!"
Arkansas judge finds Clinton in contempt of court. Welcome to the party Judge Wright. Most of us have held Clinton in contempt for years.
The first couple narrowly avoided disaster today while visiting the local zoo. Thanks to the quick reflexes of Secret Service agent Mighty Bust the escaped lion was wrestled to the ground before mauling the lame duck or the wanna-be senator. While Ms. Mighty Bust was being mercilessly pawed by the wild beast, Hillary asked Bill, "Why can't you do something heroic like that?" Bill replied, "Pull that lion off her and I'll show you some heroic pawing." James Carville claimed it was Ken Starr's lion while Hillary Clinton insists Ms. Bust is the anonymous Ebay bidder who bought Pamela Anderson's recently removed implants.
and I leave you with this final thought:
Vietnam vs Kosovo
In 1969, the liberals called any one for the Vietnam War an imperialist.
In 1999, they call anyone against the Kosovo War an isolationist.
In '69, it was "free love" and clap. In '99, it's cheap sex and aids.
Then Bill was a draft dodger; thirty years later, he's a draft starter.
'69 - We were fighting against communism; '99 - We're fighting for it.
In 1969, LBJ was the president.
In 1999, L gives BJ's to the president.
'69 - President refuses to run for second term.
'99 - President thinking about a third term.
and thirty years ago, the president was a womanizer and now? Well, I guess some things haven't changed in the White House.
Guns don't kill people; Trench coats kill people,
....wtb... - http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker/humor/
P.S.
A bird walks into a bar and orders a grasshopper. The bartender says, "we don't get a lot of birds in here." "Try serving the grasshoppers live."
P.P.S.
We started with a 25 bodies now we have 15. Between you and me, I think the media ate them. On the other hand, I guess we're lucky the cops didn't round up ten kids to make their count come out right
April 30, 1999 |
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