Road to Kosovo

Hello all,

Tonight's hot button is media wars. Randolph Herst had the Spanish American War. Ted Koppel got the hostages in Iran. Somalia didn't work out very well so nobody is owing up to it. CNN - Gulf War. Now Fox News wants to adopt the "Conflict in Kosovo."

Just look at what Fox is reporting. Rather than tell us Madam Albright spends her evenings holding Janet Reno's hand (or possibly other body parts) when Hillary Clinton is out of town, they show an endless parade of refugees with an endless collection of unverified and conflicting stories of rape, murder and shortages of digital cable TV. The reporters interview these people like they were disgruntled tourists. "How do you feel about you stay is Kosovo?" "I didn't care for the ethnic cleansing but the French waiters were really rude."

If Fox is going to make this war their own, they have to clean up (or ethnicly cleanse) their coverage. First "Conflict in Kosovo" is out. It's much too violent. It makes it sound like somebody might get hurt. They could try "Conflict Management in Kosovo" but I'd go with "Road To Kosovo." It doesn't offend the 18-39 demographic and they are the people who buy deodorant, tampons and wars from Madison Avenue.

Next, they can use "The Kosovo Rag" as their a theme song but Hannity & Colmes should sing it as a duet in the background.

Finally, the part the media hates more than ratings, reviews.

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Road To Kosovo -- This remake of the Hope/Cosby classic starring Bill Clinton and Slobodan Milosevic goes down in flames like a bridge in Belgrade. It isn't even up to the 1944 remake with Hitler and Tito.

At least in 1944 we had a chorus line of goose-stepping storm troopers. 1999? Stealth. What is Stealth? I don't know. I can't see it. Only the Russians can see it and they want to blow it up. Hello people. This is a made for TV war and we can't see half of it. The invisible man thing has been done to death and it didn't work. Even CBS doesn't run Topper anymore.

And the cast of thousands, it looks like the Woodstock 50 year reunion wandering around looking for the bands. Tight shots of teeny boppers in wet t-shirts went over in the 60's but it loses something after 40 years, if you catch my drift.

The plot is completely unplanned and unfolds with predictably poor results and any hope these actors had of leaving the stage with any dignity what so ever is completely dashed by the horrible script. Script? What am I thinking? Did the producers let the State Department write this disaster? Give these writers a ticket on the Titanic.

The script, such as it is, leaves the characters with little more than platitudes to utter as they blunder their way to the sad ending of this pathetic tale. OK, maybe tale is too strong. How about the comatose delusions of those that have spend too many nights humping camels in far away lands?

Overall, the movie is a whirlwind travelogue of the destruction of the Balkan nations. As if anything could be worse than this "bomb from the Balkans," the producers are already planning a sequel. Road to World War Three.

One star for special effects. If you want to see this stealth turkey, wait until it's the CNN movie of the week.

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I used to write letters to the editor but in the long run it didn't work out. In the last one I sent, I added, "Look, you better print this letter. I have your children."

The editor's reply, "Keep them." Two weeks later, I knew what he meant.

I finally ended up taking them to Las Vegas and using them as collateral in a poker game. I folded with a full house. If you know what I mean and I think you do.

I divorced my ex-wife for giving me Ebola. It was a bloody mess,
....wtb... - http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker/humor/