Sliding into Kosovo

Hello all,

Unless you're living in a refugee free zone, you've probably heard that NATO (the United States and 18 superpower wannabe's) is at war with FRY (a truly hideous electronics store in Silicon Valley. Sorry, that's Fry's. The Federal Republic of Yugoslavia is a collection of third world nations that hope to enter the 3rd millennium killing the same people they started killing in the 2nd.)

Think of Kosovo as your typical dysfunctional TV family armed with AK-47's and five days into quitting smoking cold-turkey. The family then discovers Little Billy has traded their Thanksgiving weenie for three magic beans, the dog has eaten the beans and Jerry Springer has canceled their TV appearance to air a special about transsexual Yugoslavian dictators: Do they need love too?

I like to think of the NATO bombing of Serbia as a "tough love" policy.

"We'll bomb you until you like us." We're beyond dysfunctional. This is child abuse but it is that red-headed kid we like to beat like a red-headed stepchild.

Q: What's the difference between U.S. foreign policy and a fairy tale?
A: One is a tale spun for the young and innocent. The other has a happy ending.

Now that Kosovo's number one export is refugees everyone wants one. In stiff competition with Guam and the U.S. Navy base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, San Francisco has offered refugees Golden Gate Park, lessons in aggressive begging and credit card scanners. Mayor Willie Brown said, "We may not have enough public toilets for everyone but it's OK to 'do it in the road.'"

New York City's offer of 6 police officers and 41 rounds for each refugee doesn't seem to be selling well.

Germany's offer to provide a "Final Solution" to the refugee problem did make for a good April Fools joke. The other NATO members had a good laugh and turned the trains around.

Forget "Voice of America." After 24 hours of CNN, even the Serbs will volunteer to take 20,000 ethnic Albanian refugees. Another 24 and "Camp Diarrhea," the nickname for the refugee camp in Macedonia, will offer to house Serbian refugees.

With U.S. diplomacy running low on cruise missiles, maybe we should start dropping liberals. Think about it, put Ted Kennedy on a bridge in Belgrade and he could wipe out half the female population. A few days of Barney Frank's backdoor diplomacy would bring any nation to its knees. Al Gore could take the initiative to create white guilt. Oh, sorry. That would be Jesse Jackson. Al would have to put the pedal to the plywood and give them the joy of environmentally sound letter bombs.

Q: What's the difference between the U.S. State Department and the Boy Scouts?
A: The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.

Did you know Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic is called Slobo? If that's pronounced slow-blow, him and Clinton may have more in common than they think. Maybe they could exchange interns at Christmas.

The Pentagon told the administration an air war alone wouldn't be enough. Clinton explained, "If they're so smart, why don't they have interns."

Serbian Foreign Policy: Kill Albanians.
Albanian Foreign Policy: Kill Serbs.
American Foreign Policy: Make them both settle for killing U.S. soldiers.

The world is full of people that want to kill each other. It's our job to kill them first.

If this has left you more confused than me, then I've done my job,
....wtb... - http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker/humor/