Post Election Blues

Hello all,

There's good news and bad news.

The good news: I'll still have Clinton to kick around for another two years.

The bad news: The IRS is auditing me for the last 327 years, the Justice Department is taking me to court for unfair joke practices, my cat has disappeared and James Carville has invited me to a post election celebration party in a dark alley somewhere in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Since dead people vote, do they pay property taxes? Some of them have some pretty sweet plots. Do they get Social Security?

Public Service Announcement
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> Subject: Fwd: Prank of a lifetime
>
> Please distribute this to everyone (on earth, that is) you know.
>
> When John Glenn returns from space, everybody dress in ape suits.
>
> We have 9 days in which to bury the Statue of Liberty up to her head.

Independent candidate Jesse "The Body" Ventura , former WWF TV wrestler, was elected governor of Minnesota. I'm not sure what this means but the Libertarians have started a "TV wrestling" school, George W. Bush has started lifting weights and Hulk Hogan has announced this campaign for the presidency.

It recently came to my attention that Mr. Jesse Ventura was a Navy Seal. -- That means I just saw it on TV. -- This of course explains his campaign theme, "I'd tell you where I stand on the issues but I'd have to kill you."

Far be it for me to complain about voter fraud but I'm sure I saw the same people in line at every precinct I voted at today.

I'm not saying this election went badly for me but Eleanor Clift and Barbara Boxer are out in the front yard fighting over who gets to set the cross on fire.

Late Breaking Election News: (When the news breaks wind, we smell it.)

Voters demand fluorinated horse meat.

California votes for leave blowers. Monica thanks voters for the support. Clinton demands recall vote. The Sierra Club says this wasn't a vote against whales. It's a vote for old growth White House interns. -- Don't worry. It doesn't make sense even if you read it again.

[Editor: At this point, we doubt our reporter on the scene is even coherent much less expecting to be paid but we don't have anyone else there.]

Governor elect Barbara Boxer vows to remove Spotted Owl from senate lunch menu, remove semen stained dress from oval office, never pass out cigars, stop eating chili and beans before staff meetings and not use her Senate office for unnecessary sex.

Those boneheads voted for what?

San Francisco has voted for 10,000 goats to eat their freeways and gang bang the city council.

Matt Fong admits defeat. Asks Boxer to lick stain off his dress.

"This is my rifle. This is my gun. This is for killing. This is for fun." -- Al Gore working on new campaign slogan.

Jimmy Carter bites the liver out of Republican voter. Results to pass soon.

Some Army guy is on "Nightline." The bastard is eating Ted's toupee. He claims to be banging Barney Frank. Barney thanks him.

Do you ever wonder if the candidate you voted for is "Year 2000 compliant?"

The Democrats won here. There's nothing to see move along.

Currently in denial but moving quickly into anger,
....wtb... - http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker/humor/