Loser In Space

Hello all,

Did you hear we lost another satellite today? It seems NASA let John Glenn try and parallel park the space shuttle. They knew Glenn was driving because the shuttle's left turn signal had been on for the last two orbits.

To the great disappointment of Walter Cronkite, John Glenn's space walk has been canceled. There wasn't room on the shuttle to bring Glenn's walker. The day wasn't a complete waste. John busied himself posting Clinton/Gore 2000 campaign sticker around the shuttle.

I also heard NASA is going to bill Medicare and Social Security for the cost of the shuttle mission. -- Is this Clinton's plan to save Social Security? Launch all the senior citizens into space?

After a day of listening to John Glenn's whining, "You kids have it so easy these days. When I was an astronaut, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get to the launch pad," the other astronauts aboard the shuttle agreed to drop Glenn off at the space station Mir and let him hitchhike home. Fortunately, the problem was solved when Glenn stepped outside to pass out candy to "trick or treaters."

Yeah, John Glenn had it tough in his day. When the countdown reached zero, he had to light the fuse on the rocket himself. They had to start the countdown from five because they hadn't invented ten yet. The space suits still had outdoor plumbing. The astronauts had to talk to mission control with two tin cans and a really long piece of string. He's so old he went into orbit before the Man in the Moon. The space flight after John Glenn's got to try that new smokeless gunpowder.

Traveling faster than a golf ball sucked though a garden hose by Monica Lewinsky, this space pioneer had to endure four hours and fifty five minutes in orbit without a White House intern. Thirty six years and a presidental ass kissing later, John Glenn returns to space in the first class section with free Viagra Tang.

While shuttle pilot, Steven Lindsey, declined to call John Glenn a back seat driver, he did find Glenn's complaints of speeding and tailgating before the launch distracting. Commander Curtis Brown Jr. sees John Glenn's presence aboard Discovery as a first step toward politicalizing space flight.

Apparently, Bill Clinton proposed one of the experiments on John Glenn's flight. NASA has refused to disclose details but did admit it is unusual for a mission to include both a bottle of Viagra and a White House intern.

The White House denied rumors that James Carville will stake Newt Gingrich and Ken Starr to the runway at Edwards Air Force Base to await John Glenn's return. Sources close to Carville suggest it is more likely Glenn will be landing on Starr's office.

Russian space pioneer, Valery Polyakov, cheered John Glenn's flight saying the use of NASA for political payoffs "will do much to bring our governments closer together."

During an ambush interview, Chuck Yeager told reporters he did have a problem with Clinton's decision to send John Glenn into space, "hype ... political payoff," but not nearly as much as with the decision to bring him back.

Lost in space and probably better off,
....wtb... - http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker/humor/

P.S.
Please excuses any typos. I got a new overpowered keyboard today and it keeps skidding out of control.