In the News

Hello all,

In The News:

* Hustler Magazine and its publisher, Larry Flynt, offered up to $1 million Sunday for stories from anyone who can prove they committed adultery with members of Congress or high-ranking government officials. -- The White House has denied rumors that Clinton has already submitted ten stories and hopes to have 2 more by the end of the week.

Latest White House excuse for the stain on Monica's dress: Clinton was cleaning his gun when it accidentally went off.

You have to wonder who's naming hurricanes these days. After Georges, what kind of names do we have to look forward to next year?

Aliwishes (Does anyone know how to spell this name?)
Bambi (with a smiley face dotting the "i.")
Candi ("i" dotted with lipstick kiss.)
Dredd (No relation to the judge.)

While I'm on the subject, why do hurricanes only get one name? Are they nomenclature challenged? Why can't they have neat names like:

Big Bertha
Dizzy Lizzy
Wacky Waldo
The Angel of Death
The Florida Cleanser
Miami Fats
The Winds of Insurance Claims

Late at night, I wonder about weird things like who are these Guinness guys? How do they come up with those world records? Would you eat a bicycle to be in their book? Why do we all have one of their books?

Most White House interns in two terms: William Jefferson Clinton.

First Black President of the United States: William Jefferson Clinton. (Source Toni Morris.)

Is there any point in gagging a ventriloquist?

What drops faster than Clinton's pants?
His credibility
The stock market
Roseanne's ratings
Value of "Cabbage Patch Kids" (Sell those Beanie Babies, NOW!)
Your brain cell count watching "talking head" shows.

How do they get it up?

Bob Dole: ViagraŽ.
John Glenn: NASA.
Bill Clinton: White House intern.
Hillary Clinton: Janet Reno.

After Clinton blew up an aspirin factory in Sudan, drugstores around the country ordered Patriot antimissile systems.

OK, I'll cut back on the "talking head" shows,
....wtb... - http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker/humor/