The Political Campaign Season

Hello all,

This year's political campaign season has officially started. Ross Perot was on Larry King Live to sling the season's first mud ball.

* Ross Perot calls Clinton an unstable drug using womanizer and demands resignation.

* James Carville calls Perot "half a quart low."

* Larry King calls next wife.

* Democratic state representative candidate Diane Ellis is claiming her opponent, Gus Bilirakis -- the son of longtime congressman Michael Bilirakis -- is an impostor. Ellis said the real Gus Bilirakis died in 1995 and the man running for office is named Danny Divito, from New York and Washington, D.C. Ellis, who met Bilirakis for the first time last week, said the man she met was too short and his voice wasn't the same as she remembered from 1991 when she talked to him on the phone. -- Don't you hate it when that happens? Everyone tells me I sound thinner in my email.

* Paula Sage, candidate for associate district judge in the Oklahoma county of Pottawatomie, is now offering a $50,000 reward for information on who is distributing fliers in Shawnee, Oklahoma, that show her baring her breasts at a private Halloween party in 1990. -- Her political opponent claims it's a public service, "She could poke someone's eye out with those things.

* Al Gore claims to be a fan of the controversial rock star Courtney Love. "He goes 'I'm a really big fan'," said Love. "And I was like 'Yeah, right. Name a song, Al'." The answer came limply back: "I can't name a song, I'm just a really big fan." -- Looks like Al has gone from a tree hugging asshole to a rock licking suck up.

* Hillary Clinton explains, "My husband said that he was just ministering to that poor young woman." -- What church do these people belong to? If they ministered like that when I was a kid, I won't have slept through Sunday school.

* Have you been following Susan McDougal's fraud trial? The judge, Judge Light, 68, was an actor before being appointed to the bench in 1969, appearing for three years on "Divorce Court." -- I guess we know how Hillary will be looking up when Bill gets thrown out of office.

* There really is a bastard in the White House. Seems Bill Clinton's alleged old man was serving his country in Italy 9 months before Bill was born. To make matters worse a ragin' Cajun was in town when Clinton's momma was in heat. -- I always thought Carville and Clinton had more in common than a couple of White House interns. If you know what I mean and I think you do.

And that's the news. Good night and good luck.

....wtb... - http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker/humor/