Hello all,
I can only assume that very one is as disappointed as I am that Clinton's grand jury testimony wasn't released on video tape on Friday.
OK, if you don't want to see it, watch the "Home Shopping Channel" Monday. Even Barney, the purple dinosaur, is going to have Pee Wee Herman as a guest to add color commentary to the video of Clinton lying his presidential ass off.
I don't know about you but I'm pissed. I've invested a $1.13 in three microwave popcorns and I've got no video tape to watch. Does congress think I should cough up three bucks for Pay-For-View because they can't meet a deadline? Four years and forty million dollars and I have to wait until 9AM Monday. That's 6AM left coast time. Even God doesn't get up at 6AM. That's why he has angles to do that stuff.
6AM. Monday. Now they tell me they are going to edit it. At $44,000,000 that must be like $3,000,000 a second. I don't know. You do the math.
Even as a student of new, new, new, new, new, new math, I know I'm getting ripped off here. So I sent Igor to Washington, D.C. to find out what "the best congress money can buy" (see judge for prices) left on the cutting room floor.
* * *
Starr: This is a picture from your own security cameras. It shows you in the Oval Office with Monica Lewinsky under your desk.
Clinton: No. That's Newt Gingrich. It's even signed. Look in the lower right hand corner. It says, "Love Newtie."
...
Starr: Mr. President what is the story with the sink?
Clinton: Monica was sitting on the throne. So what was I to do with the prince?
...
Starr: Mr. President is it true you had Betty Currie rent "Titanic" to count how many women went down, just to make sure you broke the record?
Clinton: No sir, I asked her to count man, women and children.
...
Starr: Why the goat?
Clinton: It gave you and Janet Reno as references.
...
Starr: How can you possibly explain the DNA on Monica Lewinsky's dress. This is 3.78 trillion to one odds?
Clinton: Everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA.
...
Starr: So your basic defense here is everyone does it?
Clinton: How do you define "is?"
...
Starr: Mr. President, we're heard all the testimony. Is there anything you won't do?
Clinton: Don't be ridiculous. You can't do it with a snake. They don't have any ears to hold on to.
....
Starr: I'm a tunnel and you're a train.
Clinton: Open wide and here I come.
Starr: The jury is dismissed. Come to me you big fat hunk of lover boy.
* * *
Scotty, beam down the barf bags. We've met an alien civilization I don't want to have to sex with before we destory it.
Impeachment: Not just for breakfast anymore,
....wtb... - http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker/humor/
May 1, 1999 |
The Web Walker |
Webmaster: The Web Walker |