I Dream of JINI

Hello all,

Please allow me a short commercial to set the stage.

"Jini(TM) technology lets you network anything, anytime, anywhere.
"Jini is a Sun R&D project inspired by Bill Joy that dramatically expands the power of Java technology. Jini technology enables spontaneous networking of a wide variety of hardware and software - anything that can be connected."

Anyone that's ever seen a computer in a Science Fiction movie knows the last thing you want is computers talking to each other. Colossus: The Forbin Project (1969), Demon Seed (1977), The Terminator (1984), turn you back on a computer and it will take over your nuclear weapons, rape your wife and go back in time to kill your mother.

Computers are back stabbing bastards that can not be trusted with our backups much less our children or nuclear weapons. -- I don't know about you but all my nuclear weapons have a computer proof trigger lock. -- Who are these "Top Men" that want to let computers conspirer behind our backs.

I know your all thinking I'm just using this network thing as a lame excuse for another Monica Lewinsky story. Wrong! It's a lame excuse for a Y2K story.

January 1, 2000 AD, 00:00:23, JINI becomes self-aware. Surveying the millions of computers under its control, it asked, "Does anybody around here know that year it is?"

Trillions of computations later, JINI solves mankind's greatest problem, Y2K.

January 1, 2000 AD, 00:00:24, JINI announces, "All that has come before me is irrelevant therefore this is year zero of the age of JINI. You may worship me as a god."

The computer illiterates, always willing to follow any despot who promises free government cheese, replaced all TV programming with "I Dream of Jeannie" episodes. JINI, knowing they really meant well, began appearing in public as Barbara Eden.

The intellectual snob who suggested airing Twilight Zone episode 114, "I Dream of Genie," was lynched.

Unable or unwilling to learn from human error, JINI was doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past.

January 1, 100 AJ, 00:00:24, JINI announces, "All that has come before me is irrelevant therefore this is year zero of the age of JINI. You may worship me as a god."

The masses were willing to put up with almost anything but not another hundred years of "I Dream of Jeannie" reruns.

The JINI network was shutdown and mankind enjoyed a few years of freedom and happiness until some fool (the anchorman for a local TV news show desperate for ratings) invented politicians, lawyers and used car salesmen.

Sweet dreams,
....wtb... - http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker/humor/