Theater of the Absurd

Hello all,

The Clinton/Lewinsky story has truly become a scene from the theater of the absurd.

Bill Clinton has to ask Ken Starr whose DNA is on Monica's semen stained dress? Has he stained so many dresses he can't remember if Monica's was one of them or is he worried she was cheating on him?

The DNA results are secret? The FBI lab reports the results of the DNA test to their boss, the Director of the FBI, the Attorney General, the President of the United States? The only people who don't already know who put what where when are us?

White House spokesman, Mike McCurry, explains, "I don't want to know what the president did. My job is to tell you what the president did."

We are over the edge with grand pianos for parachutes. This is what people on TV are saying with a straight face and sincere hopes of having a legal career in the future:

The President didn't have sex with Monica Lewinsky now he needs to apologize to the American people.

The President may have lied in the Paula Jones case but he didn't commit perjury.

Maybe Clinton did chase (and catch) every skirt in the White House but it's because the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy put Viagra in his cocaine.

I can produce a 100 women that will swear the president was cheating with them on every night Monica Lewinsky was in the White House.

How can we believe the Secret Service testimony? If they're so trust worthy why are they guarding this president?

If it wasn't for Clinton, the Russians would have better nuclear missiles than the Red Chinese.

So what if he stained a few dresses? I've never paid any of my parking tickets.

If Ken Starr is right, why would the White House pay people to attack him?

If you had sex with Monica Lewinsky, would you admit it to anyone? (I think James Carville may have said this one. It almost makes sense.)

It's not the stupid law. It's the economy.

If this was President Nixon, would we be trying to impeach him?

"OK, so we leaked Linda Tripp's government records. She taped Monica Lewinsky. Tit for tat."

Six years and 40 million dollars, now what do you think of James Carville?

This is none our business. It's just like the health care plan. It's between Bill and Hillary.

Of course he fired everyone in the White House travel office. Do know how long those people had been there?

Sometimes we need a few cover ups. It's not like we were on TWA Flight 800.

It doesn't matter what happens in the Oval Office, it's not included in the White House tour.

He only had sex with a White House intern. It's not like we're talking about a Hollywood superstar.

What is the Supreme Court thinking? If everyone in the White House had to report every crime they witnessed it would back up the court system for years.

If those cultists in Waco were so innocent, why did Janet Reno kill them?

The only reason Ken Starr hasn't subpoenaed Buddy and Socks is because they can't talk.

We drove Nixon out of office. There's no way we'll let you do that to our president.

"How can you say you don't have an agenda when you let people on this program that disagree with me?"

"I've known Clinton since we were kids together back in Little Rock stealin' hubcaps and I can tell you there ain't a dishonest bone in his body."

When Ken Starr brought Buddy and Socks before the grand jury and asked, "What did Monica say when Clinton had sex with her?" Buddy answered, "Rough!" Socks said, "Me Ow!"

Why is everyone picking on Clinton? It's Hillary that says he can't change his story.

Of course the President has to lie. Ken Starr is out to get him for perjury.

Clinton doesn't have time to defend himself against charges of sex, perjury and obstruction of justice. He has to get back to the business of government: lying, cheating and stealing.

If we blew up that building in Oklahoma City, why would we cover it up?

How can you say, "I'm here to attack Ken Starr?" He's out of control and you know it.

White House source, "How can I do my job if I know what's going on? Ken Starr will subpoena me and I'll have to rat out the president?"

If two consenting adults lie about sex in the Oval Office, did it really happen?

The President stands by his original story. Whatever it is this week.

Everybody does it. Just yesterday, I had Bruce Lindsey threaten to destroy the neighbor's dog if it didn't stop barking.

Please note, we have a policy of no refunds,
....wtb... - http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker/humor/

P.S.
Clinton's new jailhouse nickname: Big Butt One.