Re: Y2K

Hello all,

At 10:18 PM 7/14/98 -0700, a humor list subscriber forwarded:
>____Bill Would Provide Year 2000 Liability Protection____
>President Clinton will send a "Good Samaritan" bill to
>Congress this week that would provide liability protection
>for companies that are "honestly and carefully" sharing
>information about their year 2000 readiness.

In the new-speak dictionary, "companies that are 'honestly and carefully' sharing information," means:

Any company,
1) engaged in the production or promotion of stories intended to scare the hair off the ass of the general public.
2) selling unproven, unworkable or completely fraudulent solutions to the Y2K problem.
3) that puts a radio/TV/Internet talk show host on the air that gets his/her/its computer knowledge from fortune cookies.
4) trying to convince Joe Six-Pack December 31th, 1999 is last call.
5) called "Psychic-Cyber Hot Line" that provided the Oval Office with free access to it's "Hot Cyber-Sex Party Line."
6) but only including those companies that have contributed 10% of gross revenues to the Clinton/Gore 2000 campaign (wakeup Microsoft!)

>"The proposed Good Samaritan law will give companies the
>confidence they need to ensure that they keep their
>customers informed," Clinton told a group of year 2000
>experts yesterday at the national Academy of Sciences. He
>told the group that "time is of the essence" for passing the
>legislation. After the speech, congressional year 2000
>leaders said they thought the legislation would pass
>quickly.

Translation: The most ethical administration in US history explained to a gathering of public relations firms that the new law will give us the chance to grab the money and run for cover. Remember, there are less than 600 days to "get the hell out of Dodge City" with their money.

>Clinton also reiterated a Justice Department statement that
>companies sharing information about year 2000 don't have to
>worry about violating antitrust laws. "We need to get that
>message out there loud and clear," said Clinton. "No one
>should be afraid to help another company deal with this
>challenge."

With the Justice Department choking on its own bribes, it will be too distracted to throw any of you crooks in jail.

>Clinton said Washington is making progress with year 2000,
>citing the Social Security Administration, which already has
>more than 90% of its critical systems compliant. But
>government sources note that Social Security has largely
>solved its problems by transferring tapes for printing
>benefit checks to the Department of Treasury, which is "one
>of the areas in the worst shape" regarding year 2000
>compliance. -- Mary E. Thyfault

"Don't worry about your Social Security check. You'll get it as soon as Odie learns how to sign his name and for no extra charge the BATF will kick down your door to deliver it."

Hold on a minute folks. Even I can't really make fun of that last paragraph.

The SSA has solved 90% of the problem by turning it over to someone who is even more screwed up than they are?

Is this a government of P.T. Barnum, by P.T. Barnum, for the ones born every minute?

Beam me up,
....wtb... - http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker/humor/