What they said but what they really meant.

Hello all,

It seems we're living in interesting times. I've been watching the talking head shows and everyone is saying the same thing. Liberals and conservatives are both using the same words but they don't have the same meaning.

Since no one else is willing to step up to the plate and deal with this greasy-spoon-cafe special of the day (except maybe Dagwood,) I'll chalk my cue and try to put this eight ball in the corner pocket.

For example, someone says, "Microsoft sucks!" A liberal means, "Microsoft makes too much damn money." On the other hand, a conservative is trying to explain, "My Ctrl, Alt, Del, keys are getting worn out."

So with that thought in mind (which seemed kind of funny until I sat down and tried to write it,) let's review "What they said but what they really meant."

"You have to give it to Clinton."
Monica Lewinsky: "Yeah, tell me about it."
Kenneth Starr: "I'm trying. I'm trying."
U.S. Taxpayer: "Only if I don't want to go to prison."

"Executive Privilege"
Conservative: "Lieing!"
Liberal: "Lieing but it OK because it's personal."
Clinton: "Oral sex in the Oval Office."

"campaign promise"
Politician: "Lie"
Voter: "Maybe they really mean it this time."
Carville: "Ken Starr is out of control."

"voter"
Politician: "Sucker"
P.T.Barnum: "There's one born every minute."
Clinton: "One small lie for me. One great deception for mankind."

"Ken Starr is out of control."
Democrats: "What is the special prosecutor trying to do? Prosecute somebody?"
Republicans: "The man's hip-deep in felonies and he can't find any charges to bring against either of the Clintons?"
Independents: "Is Ken Starr the guy with the TV show where they all fight on stage?"

"reinventing government"
Newt Gingrich: "Government's too damn big."
Al Gore: "You're sure I can't just delete a few of the more unpopular amendments from the Constitution?"
Red China: "Finally! Dumb ass Americans down size big ass military."

"balanced budget"
Democrats: "More spending."
Republicans: "More spending."
Voters: "Morons!"

"Why can't we all just get along?"
Left: "Agree with me or I'll kill you."
Right: "Agree with me or I'll kill you."
Middle: "I agree with both of you."

"progressive tax"
Liberal: "Fuck the rich."
Conservative: "Fuck the poor."
Moderate: "Fuck the middle class."

"Year 2000" aka Y2K
Computer Illiterate: "We're all doomed."
Computer Geek: "Call us geeks, will you. Taste fear and die."
Congressman: "We'll pass a law making it illegal for computers to fail."

"For the children ..."
Department of Education: "A diploma you can't read."
Teachers: "Free school lunches."
Children: "The national debt."

"Justice"
Liberal: "Every jail cell empty."
Conservative: "Every jail cell full."
Man on the Street: "A judge I can afford."

"The best government money can buy."
Democrats: "We need campaign reform."
Republicans: "We need to enforce the existing campaign laws."
Voter: "We need a government I can afford."

...wtb... - http://www.byrum.org/the.web.walker/humor/evolution.html