You know you're getting old

You know you're getting old when ...
having an affair is doing your wife a favor.

When you get older, your willpower doesn't get stronger. Your urges just get weaker.

You know you're getting old when you quit chasing women.
Not because you can't catch them. You just can't remember what you would do with them if you did.

You know you're getting old when you tell your kids their history book is wrong.
You should know. You were there.

A tourist from back East is out West for his vacation.
The bellhop, in the hotel he's staying in, tells him, "This is really great. The oldest Indian in the country is in the lobby. He has a mind like a steel trap. Remembers everything like it was yesterday."
The tourist figures he has to check this out and goes over to the Indian and asks, "What did you have for breakfast December 7th, 56 years ago?"
The old Indian answers, "Eggs."
Four years later, the same tourist is in the same hotel for yet another millennium celebration. Sees the same Indian in the lobby. Walks over and says, "How," thinking that it's a standard Indian greeting.
The old Indian looks up from his seat and replies, "Scrambled."

You know you're getting old when you tell the kids about the presidents you remember and they ask "What bills are they're on?"

You know Water-Gate isn't one of Clinton's scandals.

You know you're getting old when you have record albums older than your kids.

A college professor takes his class into the dessert to look for fossils.
Being lucky their first time out, they find a long run of two dinosaur tracks, one set of prints very large and another very small.
After dusting off the tracks for a few hours, one of the students looks up and asks the professor, "So what was chasing you?"

You know you're getting old when you know what an 8-track tape player is (and swear it's better than CD's.)

You know you're getting old when you ask your kids what speed to use when you put a CD on your record player.

Sitting on a cliff, over looking the ocean, watching the sunset, a pretty woman, not as young as she once was, asks her husband, "How old is the Earth?"
"Twenty million twenty-two years," he replies.
Somewhat confused, she asks, "How can you be so exact?"
"Easy, when I was in college, I was told the Earth was 20 million years old and that was 22 years ago."

You know you're getting old when your kids ask if dinosaurs were black and white because they believe your were there.

You know you're getting old when Clinton says, "I didn't inhale." and you yell at the TV, "Inhale? You pig! You were 'Bo-Guarding'(?) my joint."

"If you remember the sixties you weren't there."

You know you're getting old when:
The old clothes you have in the trunk in the attic are back in style again.
You know how the late-night movies on cable TV will end.
You know the title of a black and white movie from a three second clip.
You think Iced-T is a drink.
You think Butthead is an insult and not the co-star of a feature length cartoon.
Someone talks about ironing hair and you know what they mean.
You offer to explain the roots of Disco?
You watched "Roots" on TV.
You wrote letters asking Star Trek not be canceled.
You wrote letters during Star Trek's last season asking the network to cancel it.
You still get long distance calls late at night asking, "Did Carter really pardon the draft-dodgers?"
You remember "Kent State," "The Maine," and "The Alamo."
You start talking about how deep the snow was when you walked to school.
You say, "they played music when I were a kid not like that noise today."
You tell your kids, "You'll know what I mean when you have kids."
You use the word "cool" instead of "bad" or whatever the word is this week.
You start a sentence with, "When I was young, ..."