Good evening, I'm your moderator, Jim Leary. Tonight we will
be speaking with NOT! News Washington correspondent, Tick Rapalong. Our panelists tonight
include: talk show host Bill Maher, the distinguished novelist and conservative pundit
William F. Buckley Jr., aging Hollywood maven Kitty Carlisle and our very special guests,
John Daily and John Cameron Swayze. Mr.Daily and Mr. Swazey rose from the dead to be here
with us. Welcome panelists.
Host: Mr. Rapalong
how is it you came upon this story alleging that Ken Starr started World War II?
Rapalong: Well, Harry. It's not really my fault. I asked everybody in the office and
nobody had even heard of this Ken Star/ Pearl Harbor connection the president's people are
going on an on about.
Host: So then, are you saying the source of the story is a person, or persons in the White
House?
Rapalong: I did not say that!
Host: Are your sources more than one person?
Rapalong: No.
William Buckley: Ah ah ah....Mr. Rapalong, surely you realize that any intelligent and
erudite person, who is privy to even a smattering of American history, must in the end,
view your story about the Ken Starr/Pear Harbor connection, with a great deal of
epistemological skepticism. A distorted historical ah ah ah... perspective such as this,
can only be the result of the philosophy of deconstruction posited by Jacques Derrida, and
later brought to it's illogical and tragic conclusion by the late, brilliant but mad, Dr.
Michael Foucault. Or has your source been ah ah ah... stranded on a desert island for the
last 50 years?
Rapalong: No, but he did grow up in Louisiana.
Bill Maher: Is your source a stand up comedian with a great show on Broadway starting
Saturday night that you can get tickets for from my agent who is waiting outside right
now?
Rapalong: No.
John Cameron Swayze: Is your source a communist agent who sold atomic secrets to the
Russians?
Rapalong: No but he is a registered Democrat.
Kitty Carlisle: Do you think President Clinton would go to bed with me?
Rapalong: He hasn't turned down anyone yet.
John Daily: I'm sorry panelists, our time is up. I think Tick Rapalong has stumped you. OK
Tick, tell our panelists your secret unreliable source.
Rapalong: John, my secret unreliable source is James Carvile.
John Cameron Swazey: Uh oh! Can you take a lickin' and keep on tickin'?
Host: Only in the Oval Office, John. Tick.....can you say, "broken kneecaps?" Well that's our show for tonight. We want to thank our guests for being here. And Tick...Well, it's been nice knowing you buddy.