Subject: Stupid Criminals
Date: Wed, 28 Feb 1996 21:39:40 -0600

Hello, people!  This is sort of the 1st official message going
out to the joke list.  Since I sent the message asking people to
re-subscribe, just over 8000 of you have re-added yourselves.
Way to go!  Any of you fun people out there live in the Kansas
City area?  Just curious...

Scott

PS - Try not to be like the people listed below...

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               Stupid Criminal Hall of Shame

We interrupt this joke in progress to bring you live coverage of this late breaking news.

Date: Tue, 21 May 1996 19:03:50 -0500
To: the.web.walker@pobox.com
From: HumourNet@colossus.arl.mil (Vince Sabio, HumourNet Moderator)
Subject: Stupid-Criminal Hall of Shame

Hi!

I noticed that you have the Stupid-Criminal Hall of Shame on your humor page. <http://www.bayarea.net/~arkres/wiltb/joke/sa022896.htm> Unfortunately, the version that has circulated the 'Net has been somewhat edited; if you are interested in the original version, please see:

<http://colossus.arl.mil/humournet.html>

Since the SCHoS is copyrighted, I would prefer it if your link referenced the version on that page. Of course, copyrights being what they are, it's your choice.

- Vince Sabio
HumourNet Moderator
HumourNet@colossus.arl.mil

HumourNet: It's not just for breakfast anymore!

** Sometime around 8:59 PM 5/21/96, The Web Walker sent me:
>Hello,
> I've never seen a cross mailing list flame war before so I immediately
>subscribed to your mailing list. Hope I haven't missed anything.

Actually, I have at least half a dozen humor-list mods on HumourNet, including Steve Willoughby (Oracle Service Humor List) and Randy Cassingham (This is True).

> The page in question has been updated to reference the original version.

Thanks! BTW, if you send me the URL of the page on which you put the link, I'll add it into my soon-to-be-included list of back-links.

> But these are not the important issues. The opportunity before us is big
>bucks. Thanks to the new telecommunications bill, we can sue the Internet
>Service Provider. In my case, Bay Area Internet Solutions doesn't make
>enough money to steal.

Really? Damn. I'll tell my lawyer to recall the papers. What about your mom -- is she loaded? It was probably her idea in the first place ... ;-)

> Now, if we could get this piece posted to AOL, just think of the deep
>pockets they have. I know some people who are just chomping at the bit for
>chance to rake Steve Case over the coals.

Where AOL is concerned, it isn't Steve Chase that I want ... my problem is Krazy Kevin Lipsitz's recent migration to AOL. Now *there* is a royal pain in the butt!

>still don't know how he was able to reach out and touch the FBI hot line on
>Mother's Day. All I got for my trouble was an "all circuits are busy" message.

You probably called the "800" number.

> Don't worry. If you don't want to cut in the hackers, I saw this great
>"Make Money Fast" post that can't lose.

HEY! Didja see the version on my Web page? Check it out; it's pretty hysterical ...

> Waiting anxiously for your positive response to this mutually beneficial
>proposal.

I think we can work something out here. A quick AltaV search turned up more than *eighty* copies of the SCHoS out there. Hell, even a coupla grand from each of them would buy us Twinkies and Jolt till the cows come home ... :-)

- Vince Sabio
 HumourNet Moderator
 HumourNet@colossus.arl.mil

HumourNet: It's not just for breakfast anymore!

Hello,
After a quick lycos search, I found the "Oracle Service Humor List." Have you ever seen a flame war about search engines? Yes, I know. I'm obsessed with flame wars. My analysts says I have a deep seated anger for authority. The fireman said I was just a pyromaniac.

The URL for the page in question is: http://www.bayarea.net/~arkres/wiltb/joke/sa022896.htm but are you sure we should share it with them? Since my humorous death threat to Carville, it seems like everyone around me is wearing sunshades and an ear plug. BTW: Where is the "back-links" page?

Yes, my mom is loaded (but this isn't about her drinking problem). She sued my ass off for every cent that I ever hope to earn and the government chooses not to steal. You may have heard of her. She doesn't think McDonald's should sale hot coffee. Watch out for her lawyers. One of them came by for a "friendly chat," bit my dog and threaten to sue me. He, of course, calmed down when I pointed out I had no money. After a glass of my home brew (patent pending), he ran from the house screaming, "SPCA, SPCA!" I'm not sure what he's up too but I've heard the ninth circuit court has approved his case without reading it.

Steve Case VS Steve Chase: I've got to stop hanging out with those illiterate computer hackers.

Speaking of Krazy Kevin, who I never had the pleasure of receiving email from, did you get president@whitehouse.gov subscribed to your mail list? I only ask because I heard a rumor that Bill "Me Too" Clinton moved his account to aol.com.

Yes, I was trying the FBI "800" number. I'm about to use my own dime to rat someone out.

I did check out your "Make Money Fast" scheme but the guy at the 7-11 said the government quit accepting ascii one hundred dollar bills months ago. I least that's what I think he said. His English was a bit off but his 38 magnum was quite clear.

Twinkies and Jolt? That's it. The deal's off. I only work for beer. OK, and a little "shine" occasionally but don't tell them revenuers. Besides the cows got married and dumped me without so much as a thank you.

Why do we have a "break" key when what we need a "brake" key?
...wtb... http://members.gnn.com/furious/index.htmlwebwalker.html
P.S.
As I always remind folks in the Web Surfers Report (available at http://www.pobox.com/~the.web.walker), always include a URL with shameless self serving plugs.

We now return you to the "Joke of the Day!" in progress.

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... If James Bond worked for a pickle company, he'd be licensed to dill.
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